“Y-you, you audacious b-bandit! Where did you come from?” I trembled violently.
Here’s what happened. Our group arrived at the next town at dusk, found an inn, and had dinner. Everything was normal until afterwards! After bathing and putting on my clothes, I was suddenly pounced on the bed, my hands and feet seized!
Well, being pounced on is fine; our family often performs such “entertainment programs” at night.
But the problem is, this guy isn’t wearing any clothes! He dashed into my room completely naked. Deep breath, stay calm. There’s nothing scary about this…
Indeed, there’s nothing scary about it. I’ve seen it before! I have 3+1 husbands! But the problem is, I don’t even know him!
And I didn’t feel anyone enter the room! What’s going on? The entire room had only me in it! Oh, and the two-eyed cat tied to my skirt belt.
Uh…
I stare at him, wide-eyed. Sure enough, there’s a purple mark between his eyebrows! Oh my god! These days, people turning into bats or spiders are one thing—they’re heroes like Batman and Spider-Man. But a cat turning into a human?
“What, scared?” the two-eyed cat, or rather, person, spoke. His voice was pleasant but gave me chills. Could he be a demon? No, no—
“Demon big brother, I’m not surnamed Tang… I’m surnamed Hua.” I pleaded. “Please don’t eat me!”
“Pfft,” the two-eyed cat laughed. “I don’t eat people.”
My heart calmed a bit. “You… how… that cat…” Being pressed down by a cat demon, how can anyone relax enough to chat?
“I came the same way you did,” the two-eyed cat youth said with a faint sigh.
My eyes widened as I processed his words: “What? You also crossed over? I was a cat in my previous life too! That’s right—you used to disappear every night. Could it be…?”
Sighing heavily, I realized, “You might know my name: Shi Ran.”
“Shi Ran? The Shi Ran who was supposedly kidnapped and killed?!” My voice suddenly rose several octaves.
I stared at him in disbelief. The legendary beauty! An international idol star! With elegant eyebrows, eyes like cold stars, a straight nose, lips like a painting, skin like congealed fat, and a tall, powerful body… But why was he still pressing me down? Doesn’t he know this is dangerous? Guns can misfire, and this kind of “misfire” could lead to unwanted consequences!
Sensing my struggle, Shi Ran seized my pulse point, preventing me from using my inner strength: “Hmph, after waiting so long, I’ve finally found someone who’ll do…”
“What, what, what?” I tried to hold back my nosebleed but failed, blood gushing out. With such a hot-bodied and beautiful young man in front of me, anyone would have a nosebleed!
“Hmph, I’ve lived for over two hundred years. TM, if I’d known I’d be reborn as a cat, I wouldn’t have asked to live a hundred years, but three hundred!” Shi Ran’s handsome face twisted dramatically.
I was stunned and then laughed so hard I almost passed out. His condition for crossing over was longevity, but he was reborn as a cat! A cat living three hundred years! Hahahaha!
“What are you laughing at? Haven’t seen an unlucky person before?” Shi Ran snapped, embarrassed and angry.
“Okay, okay, I’m not laughing,” I said, trying to compose myself, “How did you get here?”
“Weren’t you kidnapped?”
“Kidnapped? No! I was just driving when… anyway, Tai Bai killed me! He promised to let me transmigrate to another world. I insisted he compensate for my mental damage, saying I should live for…” He was interrupted by my laughter.
“Stop laughing!”
“I know! You were killed by Tai Bai’s poop!” I laughed heartily, finding someone as miserable as me—and an international superstar! My psychological balance was suddenly restored.
“Uh… you know?” Shi Ran was stunned, then began laughing too, “You too?!” He eventually collapsed laughing beside me, “Times may change, but nature stays the same. Tai Bai, that guy who defecates anywhere! Hahaha!”
“What are you laughing at! We’re both reborn from poop piles! Don’t mock each other!” I pushed him, “How can you still turn into a human? You can’t be a cat during the day and human at night, right? I remember my tough days! Watching beautiful men every day, only looking but not touching—so frustrating!”
“I begged Tai Bai hard for this ability. Turns out he isn’t that bad,” he said with a hint of pride.
I twitched at the thought. Begging… what if that were me? I imagined myself clinging to Tai Bai’s leg, crying while he patted my head: “Good girl, I’ll brew some beautiful men for you…”
Smoothing out my goosebumps, I thought the roles should be reversed.
That old Tai Bai is a classic pushover, and poor Shi Ran is fooled by his divine brand, thinking he’s gotten a great deal. Tsk, ignorant masses!
“Hey, about that divine immortal Tai Bai…” I started to enlighten Shi Ran but burst out laughing at the phrase “divine immortal”.
“What?” Shi Ran was intrigued, having shared experiences in the same world and once being cats.
“Have you heard the cat joke?” I began enthusiastically.
Once, there was an old woman living with her cat. One day, she heard a noise outside, looked out, and saw a fairy descending from the sky. The fairy said, “You’re the one. The divine realm’s grand lottery. The first person I meet can have three wishes. Decide quickly, time is limited.”
The old woman, extremely surprised, quickly stated her wishes: “First, I want lots of money; second, I want to be young and beautiful; third, I’ll turn my cat into a prince.”
The fairy waved her wand, and her wishes were granted.
Now, the young and beautiful woman lay in bed eating fruit brought by servants, and the cat, now a prince, came to her side, gently picked her up, and whispered a joke: “Now you regret neutering me, right?”
“Hahahahaha, I’m dying of laughter!”
“Ha hahaha!” Shiran laughs, rolling on the bed.
“Yes! I once laughed at a joke for days!” Seeing him slap the bed and kick the blanket, I can’t help but feel mischievous. With a sly smile, I ask, “So, were you neutered?”
Shiran suddenly chokes and stops laughing, his eyebrows twitching. “You’re dead!” he roars, pouncing on me. “Let me show you if I was neutered!”
“Ah— Ah— Hahaha, I’m just joking!” I plead for mercy, but he takes it seriously, pinning my hands above my head.
“Let’s find out?” he says wickedly. I look at him helplessly, “Great hero, handsome Shiran, I was just playing…”
But he’s faster, grabbing my pulse point and pressing my leg down. “Hehe, I also asked Taibai for supreme martial arts when I came.”
Oh my god—this life is impossible!!!
Then the bed curtains drop, the bed shakes violently, and clothes are thrown about…
[052] A Rival Appears!
I wake up late morning, slightly chilled. The empty bed feels lost, reminding me of last night and making my face blush. What era is this, still having erotic dreams!
Then I notice something’s wrong. If it were a dream, how could I be without clothes or a blanket? Quickly looking down for proof, I see a mischievous little cat sleeping beside me, snoring away. Annoyingly, its paw is groping me.
“Bang!” A little white cat slides down from the door.
“Meow—” Shiran wakes up, somewhat dazed, looking at me and preparing to jump back on the bed.
“Daring to grope me! Looking for a beating!” I wrap myself in the blanket, glaring at him.
“Meow?” Shiran seems confused but then remembers something, extending a paw to stare blankly. Last night, he “accidentally” placed his paw on something inappropriate. His eyes brighten, and that feeling was quite nice. The cat laughs wickedly.
If cats could have nosebleeds, he’d be spurting blood now. Glaring at this little pervert, I say, “Get out! I’m changing clothes!”
Shiran raises his little face, looking pitifully at me, as if my driving him out is a crime.
