“My threat carried little weight, and he didn’t take it seriously at all. ‘Don’t worry, I never use force. I’ll make you willing…’
As his lips slowly approached, I tried to dodge, but they landed on the back of my ear. My body felt paralyzed, like an electric shock.
His soft lips slid from my ear to my neck and then to my jaw. I struggled to pull my hands free, but his grip was impeccable, rendering my efforts futile.
This is called ‘not using force’? What would you call it?!
His lips traced a path to mine, moist and soft, infused with the deep fragrance of coffee and beer. I trembled, an intense wave of pleasure and excitement coursing through me.
‘Don’t…’ I never finished my sentence, nor did I want to.
Lips met lips, perfectly sealed, my soul sinking into molten fire, my body falling into an endless realm, impossible to escape.
Hastily grabbing the system disk, I saw her staring blankly at the man’s leather shoes by the door, her hand receiving the optical disk which turned pale blue. My heart ached for her and for myself.
‘My rice cooker is broken. Could you help me fix it?’
She nodded, smiling reluctantly. ‘He’s very good at fixing things for people.’
Qin Xue turned around, hesitated, then asked, ‘Can I say a few words to him?’
‘Oh!'”
I turned back to the room and saw Ye Zhengchen half-naked on my bed, and anger surged within me.
I kicked his calf with all my strength and said, “Go! Reminisce with your old lover and settle things with her before coming back here.”
He pressed his calf and replied, “A woman who can’t distinguish right from wrong!”
“If you don’t leave, I’ll smash your head with the rice cooker.”
Ye Zhengchen dressed while walking out.
I heard Qin Xue’s soft voice. “Did I interrupt you?”
“I told you clearly, I don’t like you…”
“Do you like her then?”
Ye Zhengchen replied coldly, “Who I like is none of your business.”
“You like her?!” Qin Xue laughed sarcastically. “Do you know what liking means? You’re just playing around, discarding her once you’re done! Dare you say you can be faithful to her? That you’ll marry only her?!”
“Qin Xue, you’re smart. Don’t hurt others or yourself!” His voice was icy.
Will he speak to me like this one day?
I picked up Ye Zhengchen’s half-drunk beer, tasting the cold bitterness.
“I didn’t want to hurt anyone, I just don’t want you to hurt Xiao Bing anymore!” Qin Xue said loudly.
I knew she was saying this for me to hear, but I didn’t want to listen.
Some hurts are ones I chose myself; I don’t need others to remind me.
I turned off the light, packed things in the moonlight, and went to bed alone.
The next day, I skipped two classes to send Ye Zhengchen to the airport. The airport shuttle raced along the nearly empty coastal highway. Ye Zhengchen deliberately avoided attention, pulling me to sit at the back.
The bus was quiet except for occasional whispers and the engine’s sound. I curled up by the window, staring blankly outside, with many words I wanted to say but didn’t.
It was a windless day, with morning light dancing on the sea. I saw couples walking on the beach, their footprints extending far away. Ye Zhengchen took my left hand. I glanced at the dazzling watch on my wrist, suddenly feeling heavy, like wearing shackles.
He held my hand, and our watches sparkled in unison. I frowned slightly.
“Don’t like it?” he asked. “Wear it for now. When I return, we’ll choose one you like.”
“I like Seagull, white dial, white strap…” I said.
He paused, then laughed softly, gripping my hand. “Okay, I’ll buy a pair when I return.”
I nodded.
I remembered in childhood when Dad gave Mom a treasured watch, which I wasn’t allowed to touch. Still, I secretly tried it on when she wasn’t looking, examining it from every angle.
Ye Zhengchen’s hand rested on my right shoulder. I leaned my face on his shoulder.
There was no formal confession or relationship confirmation; we just naturally came together. I loved this indescribable tacit understanding.
“Don’t eat it if it doesn’t taste good.” I reached for it, but he blocked me reflexively. My hand hit the edge of the bowl, spilling noodles everywhere. The blood-red soup flowed wildly, splashing on him. “I’m sorry!” I flustered, wanting to grab a tissue but tripped on the table leg.
What was I doing? My mind was a mess.
I wanted to appear calm, but the more anxious I became, the more I fumbled.
Ye Zhengchen caught my hand. “Don’t do this.”
I took a deep breath and smiled. “I’m fine, I’m okay…”
His grip tightened, making me feel like my bones might break. I struggled to hold back tears.
“Go ahead and cry, don’t hold back,” he said.
“Who says I’m holding back?!” I snapped, breaking free slightly unsteady, steadying myself on the chair. “I’m really okay.”
He looked at me, his deep eyes piercing through everything. Under his gaze, I could no longer hold on, and my unwilling eyes became wet. I hurriedly lowered my head, tears falling on the table like fine rain.
“It’s late, I won’t disturb your rest.” I wanted to escape, but he grabbed my arm.
“Kiddo, everything will pass.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I know…”
But my heart hurts unbearably! What should I do?!
“Why don’t you hit me, or scold me? Scold me harshly! You can even curse my ancestors!”
I laughed and shook my head. “Senior brother, I should thank you. At least you didn’t sleep with me and then abandon me!”
He said he never touched Qin Xue; I didn’t believe it then, but now I do. But he might as well have touched her! Pursued her, stirred up her feelings, then disdainfully pushed her from the clouds to the cliff, coldly adding: I don’t want to hurt you!
What is this? He’s being a righteous gentleman? Others’ infatuation is self-degrading?!
I tried to shake off his hold, but he pulled me into his embrace. His embrace was still warm.
“Kiddo, what am I going to do with you…” He hugged me tightly, so tight my ribs might break. I thought he would say something to apologize, but he said nothing, just held me for a long time.
Bend down!” he said. “Bending down doesn’t mean being respectful, and apologizing doesn’t mean surrendering… Some hatred and grievances should be kept in the heart, not displayed on the face!”
Thinking of Ye Zhengchen, a smile played at the corner of my mouth, but tears fell into the bacteria-cultivating vessel. I crouched on the ground, pressing my knee against my chest. The empty room echoed with silent sobs. Crying until I was exhausted, I supported myself on the table to stand up, a bit unsteady.
A cold Coca-Cola was placed in my hand.
“Crying takes a lot of energy. Replenish some,” Ye Zhengchen said lightly.
I was too late to wipe my tears, so I awkwardly rubbed my moist eyes and replied, “My bacteria died again. I’m mourning them.”
“I know. They will miss you.”
I stiffly pulled at the corner of my mouth, squeezing out a bit of a smile. “Thank you!”
I walked out of the bacteria room alone, the Coke in my hand deformed, brown liquid spreading over my fingers. I poured it out and threw the can in the trash.
At this moment, I didn’t need a cold Coca-Cola!
That night, I went to work with low spirits.
Past nine o’clock, I was staring into the darkness when a Japanese man in his thirties, dressed neatly, entered the store.
“Welcome!” I greeted politely.
To my shock, he wanted to buy a pornographic magazine for one hundred yen.
“Not selling!” I coldly refused.
“Please!” he insisted.
“Idiot! Pervert!” My Japanese was limited to these two words. “Leave now, or I’ll call the police!”
“Please help me!”
“Pervert! All Japanese are perverts!” I blurted out, “If you have no money, go find a place to commit seppuku!”
He just laughed, seemingly very happy!
