Seeing the steaming noodles, his eyes became hazy. “You must be hungry; have a bowl,” I urged. Ye Zhengchen sat down, sniffed the noodles, picked up a strand, chewed for a long time before swallowing.
“Isn’t it tasty?” I asked. He shook his head. “After you left, I went to various noodle shops but never found this taste.” “There are many delicious things in the world,” I replied. “You might not have tasted them carefully.” “I’ve tasted many delicacies.” He looked up, staring into my eyes. “What I miss most is still this taste.”
A piece of chili got stuck in my throat, burning painfully. I gulped down some soup, which only intensified the burn.
He reached out and placed his hand on the back of mine. I quietly withdrew my hand and set it on my knee. “Eating it every day would make you sick of it.”
He raised his eyebrows, saying nothing. The night was silent, cool as water.
Ye Zhengchen and I held two cups of clear tea, leaning against the window. Moonlight stretched our shadows thin and long. I struggled to find a topic, pointing at the city streets: “That’s People’s Street, that’s Tie Yu Road, the old district of Nanzhou… I used to live there…”
“I know.”
I was surprised. “You know?”
“I also know that Yin Zhongtian’s home was there. You often played together when you were young. He had a crush on you for a long time, but you only saw him as an older brother.”
“How do you know?”
“I know more than that…” Ye Zhengchen smiled and sipped his tea. “After you returned to the country, Yin Zhongtian was very good to you, but you were cold towards him, maintaining a pure friendship until three months ago when you suddenly accepted his proposal…”
He knew everything. Did this mean he had been secretly watching me? He took another sip of tea and looked into the distance. “I originally planned to return to the country in December, but after hearing this news, I applied to return early… Once all procedures were completed, I flew directly from Japan to Chengdu.”
I held the cup tightly, my mouth filled with the bitterness of tea.
“I saw you that day in the wedding dress shop. Had you just returned to the country?” “Yes, but unfortunately, I was too late.” “You hadn’t been in a relationship for three years. I thought you were waiting for me, like me, unable to let go of this feeling. When I saw you wearing a wedding dress, laughing so happily in his arms, I realized…” He smiled bitterly and shook his head. “I was too presumptuous.” Ye Zhengchen wasn’t presumptuous; he was confident in himself and in me. It was only I who lacked such belief, waiting until the end. My chest ached with spasms. I drank all the tea in my cup in one gulp, but it didn’t relieve the pain. He continued: “I don’t want to force you, nor do I want to destroy your happiness, but I’m not willing to give up so easily. With the woman I love in another man’s arms, what good are my power and wealth…” I tilted my head back; the stars in the sky were blurry. “I’m about to get married,” I whispered, unsure if I was saying it to him or to myself. He asked: “When you know the patient has an incurable disease, why do you still try to save them? Why don’t you give up until they take their last breath?” “I hope he can see the world one more time, say one more word.” “I feel the same…” Under the moonlight, he looked at me. “To see one more time, say one more word.”
I thought the most painful moment was hearing him say at the airport: I love you… Give me three more minutes. I didn’t look back.
When he told me his marriage was fake and the missed opportunities were due to his heavy responsibilities, I thought: This must be the limit; nothing could be more tragic than this. But I underestimated him again. A man loves you to this extent, yet he isn’t even your fiancé!
“Darling,” Ye Zhengchen said: “Give me a month. If you still choose Yin Zhongtian after a month, I won’t appear again.” He overestimated me; I didn’t even have the confidence to get through tonight!
Before I could respond, he patted my shoulder. “It’s late, go to sleep. You have to pick up your fiancé early tomorrow.” “Go to sleep” from Ye Zhengchen definitely didn’t just mean a static action. Although I was mentally prepared, when he unabashedly made this request, I felt oxygen-deprived, and my legs went numb.
Leaning against the windowsill, my voice was so small I could barely hear myself. “Okay, I’ll go take a shower first.” His hand on my shoulder tightened, and he repeated one word in a low voice: “First…” First… meant there would be a then.
Without daring to pause, I ran into the bathroom, letting the rushing water wash away the trembling in my body.
I applied shower gel countless times, washed countless times, almost until dawn. Standing in front of the mirror covered in water vapor, I brushed the wet hair from my forehead. The blurry silhouette reflected in the mirror, beneath the black hair, showed every inch of reddened skin trembling in the mist. Once, I had hated him deeply, believing that giving my body wouldn’t mean giving my heart. This time, the hate faded, and I lost confidence in myself.
I lowered my head, cupped cold water from the faucet, and splashed it on my face. The intense stimulation calmed me. What must be faced will always be faced; there’s no escaping it.
I pulled off the ring from my hand, placed it on the glass table, and said to my reflection: “One last time. Bao Bing, you can do this.”
I dried my hair, wrapped myself in a towel, took a deep breath, and walked out of the bathroom.
Ye Zhengchen was lying on the bed reading a newspaper. Hearing the sound, he glanced at me before returning to the newspaper.
I remembered I hadn’t bought a newspaper in a long time. The newspaper in his hand was the one used to wrap things a few days ago, mostly filled with advertisements, and he was reading it with concentration.
I climbed onto the bed with a resolute heart and fragmented breath—my own bed.
I lifted the quilt, revealing the emerald green and blue-and-white patterned bedsheet. I lay down, rested my head on the pillow, and remained motionless, waiting.
Today, I resolved to stay still, no matter what he did.
Ye Zhengchen put down the newspaper and lowered his eyes to look at me, his breathing becoming rapid. The blue-and-white bedsheet crumpled in my palm. I tried to breathe but still couldn’t catch my breath. He reached out, and my entire body tensed as he pulled the quilt over me.
“I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
I stared at the ceiling in disbelief. Before closing the door, he said, “I want you, not for ‘one last time.'”
A scalding drop fell on the pillow.
In my memory, Yin Zhongtian was impeccable in a suit, with neatly combed hair and polished shoes. But the Yin Zhongtian before me left my heart aching. He had lost weight; his jawbone protruded, hair tangled and messy, appearing unwashed for days. Without an outer jacket, his white shirt with two missing buttons looked fragile in the autumn wind.
Ye Zhengchen stood beside him in the crisp military uniform I had ironed that morning. Ironic, sharply ironic.
“Zhongtian!” I called, waving from across the street.
“Xiao Bing.” Yin Zhongtian, excited, ran over, disregarding the traffic lights. Crossing the crowded street, he stood before me and forcefully embraced me.
I had so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t utter a single word.
Yin Zhongtian’s soft lips covered mine, and all I felt was cold.
Ye Zhengchen stood across the street, his figure appearing and disappearing among the passing cars. In the misty haze, I clearly saw him, completely rigid, his fists clenched, knuckles visible. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see anymore.
