Thinking of Shui Sheng, who always looked neat and wore rimless glasses, very refined in appearance and usually quite shy, yet had such a strong interest in these things, was really unexpected. At the newspaper office, he always seemed listless, and the several times he was sick, it was due to fatigue or overload, not because of, well, you know, if it was, he’d deserve the title “Gun God.” Maybe this is why he was reluctant to lend me the house. This thought made me chuckle. Regardless, it’s normal for a single adult man, so I returned these mental snacks to their places and noticed it was already dark outside.
Through the window, I could clearly see the location of the archaeological excavation site. Since work stopped at dusk, it was now pitch black and silent. I drew the curtains, hoping they wouldn’t start too early the next day to disturb my sweet dreams.
For the rest of the evening, I sat at the desk, starting to write my memoir on my laptop. I’ve put a lot of effort into this memoir, which I’ve been writing on and off for over four months. If it weren’t for some interruptions, I would have finished it long ago. This memoir recounts a terrifying experience from over a year ago. The best way to overcome past fears is to face them again, to calmly reorganize and rewrite the events. Many psychological treatments for memory disorders or schizophrenia caused by past horrors involve patients recounting the events under the guidance of a psychiatrist, a process of re-experiencing and re-living. The psychiatrist provides encouragement and controls the patient’s emotions. I believe writing this memoir is the only way for me to completely liberate myself from the intense fear I felt at the time. (See “The Heart of Malice” for details.)
