When Cui Yun returned, Dongqin was still in the same position he had left her in. She held his clothes close to her chest, her face buried deep as if seeking some courage from the fabric. He dropped the two heavy bags he was carrying and limped over to her, wrapping her in his arms. “I’m back,” he said, somewhat wearily, and kissed her face. Dongqin turned around abruptly, throwing herself into his embrace, trembling all over. The touch of her hand against his wound made him break out in a cold sweat from the pain, but somehow, it felt exhilarating. The pain itself was a kind of pleasure.
Dongqin’s hand came away wet with blood; she gasped, placing her hand under the window to check. It was red. She immediately thought of Lu Tuo sinking into the sea covered in blood, her heart almost stopping. “You… you’re hurt!” she murmured, tears streaming down her face. “No… don’t die! Don’t die!” Was she about to lose another person covered in blood before her eyes?
Cui Yun smiled and handed her a bottle of water. “Drink first, I bled to get this back for you, you’re not allowed to waste it.” Dongqin hastily took the bottle and gulped it down, as if by drinking it, he wouldn’t lose any more blood. She drank too quickly, choking and coughing, yet she didn’t let go, still trying to drink. Seeing her face streaked with tears and water, yet still trying to be strong, Cui Yun felt a mix of emotions. It was painful, sweet, and he wished time could stand still. What was this feeling? He snatched the bottle away, fiercely embracing and kissing her. “Dongqin! Who am I? I’m not Lu Tuo! I’m not Lu Tuo!” he said passionately, prying open her lips as if opening a mysterious treasure, his tongue exploring, unwilling to let go.
Dongqin was almost suffocating, her hands convulsively grabbing his clothes. If she held on tighter, just a bit tighter… she might feel some relief. Don’t leave her alone again; if he had to leave, they would leave together. If he had to die, they should die together.
Cui Yun let her go, both gasping for air. Her eyes were blindfolded, the handkerchief soaked with tears. She opened her mouth, whispering, “…Cui Yun, don’t die.” At that moment, whenever Cui Yun thought back, he felt an overwhelming sense of emotion; if asked to give his life or tear down the sky right then, he felt he could do it without hesitation. Finally, he had caught a little, touched a little of her, this cold star. He trembled as he untied the handkerchief from her face. She was crying, her eyelashes wet. He stared intently at her eyes. She blinked, and it was as if two stars shone, reflecting his image clearly and intently. “Cui Yun, don’t go!” were her first words, then she hugged him, never letting go.
Cui Yun wiped her tears, kissed her gently, and pulled her into his arms. The pain from his wound seemed to lessen, and the noise in his heart quieted down. Was this happiness? He didn’t know; he just felt tired and then drifted off to sleep.
30. Picking Stars (Ending A, Original Version)
Cui Yun felt a gentle touch on his body, which seemed to alleviate his pain. His ribs and calf were numb, and he suddenly awoke. If he didn’t treat the wounds, he would be crippled! He touched his rib wound, trying to locate the bullet, but found gauze instead. Dongqin softly said, “I took out the bullets; one was stuck between your ribs, and the other just grazed your leg. I couldn’t find the bullet.”
Cui Yun was surprised, turning to look at her. She was sitting beside him, knees hugged to her chest, with blood-soaked gauze scattered around, forceps and a small knife lying nearby. Her face was pale, staring at him blankly.
Cui Yun covered his forehead and laughed, “I forgot you must have done this for Lu Tuo…” He took her hand, “It’s an honor to have such a beautiful lady tend to my wounds.” He then kissed her blood-stained hand.
Dongqin watched him silently; he had done this three times. Each time felt different. She couldn’t see through him, or perhaps he never let anyone see through him. When she thought she had grasped something, he would look at her with a smile, changing his demeanor, making her feel foolish.
To be honest, she was a bit afraid of such an unpredictable person, not knowing how to deal with him. His smile seemed calculating, his calculations seemed like serious talk, and his serious talks seemed like lies.
Cui Yun struggled to sit up and hugged her tightly. “What are you thinking?” he whispered in her ear. “I was thinking about you,” Dongqin said honestly.
“Oh?” Cui Yun smiled, “I’m flattered, what were you thinking about?”
“I used to really dislike people like you,” she said, “I thought you never took anything seriously, never gave your true feelings to anyone, yet you loved to put on a show.”
Cui Yun tapped her forehead, “Although I’m glad you have the energy to talk to me, I must defend myself. I’ve always been me, people can choose to believe or not, but I’m not always lying. It’s you, Dongqin, who seems to describe yourself. Not serious, not sincere, and still putting on a show.”
Dong Qin didn’t speak. “You’ve convinced yourself that everyone who gets close to you is going to hurt you, so you act like a victim from the start, and when you’re scared, you disdain others with arrogance. That’s why you’re always tormented. Don’t you know that men can’t stand being despised by women? No, I think you do know. Zuo Dong Qin, stop deceiving yourself. You actually enjoy being treated abusively, and you like sleeping with different men. You’re very smart, smart enough that it took me a long time to understand a bit about you.” A faint smile appeared at the corner of Dong Qin’s mouth, her expression ethereal. “I have to like it, don’t I? If I don’t, I’ll go mad. I still want to live my life, not be destroyed by others.” One has to like it, then gradually hypnotize oneself, becoming addicted to such a life. The human heart is indeed the most complex thing in the world, uncontrollable even by oneself. She felt increasingly distant from her original intentions; her life could not do without that torment, even welcoming others’ abuse. She thought she must have inherited the perverse genes from Zuo Shaoan. Her excitement was not feigned.
“Then be a lunatic, what’s wrong with that? At least you’d feel happy.” Cui Yun licked her face, his hand slipping into her open clothes, beginning to tease. “You like a man’s touch, what’s wrong with that? Dong Qin, stay with me, I’ll make you happy.” He was slightly feverish, his heavy body pressing down on her, his hot breath passing over her chest, sending shivers down her spine. “I’ll make you forget Lu Tuo; someone like you isn’t suited for such false love… You just need to be happy…” Her breasts were grasped, gently kneaded, then his hand moved down, following her ribs to grip her waist, his tongue licking at her chest. Dong Qin felt like there was a massive black hole in front of her, an infinitely vast abyss. She was falling into it. This sensation was so familiar, once causing her panic, yet also nostalgic. She had grown accustomed to this life; any change terrified her. As long as she could retreat into herself, let the darkness caress her once more, she wouldn’t remember any sorrow. Just need to retreat…
