The Bustling Empty City

Chapter 40, The Heat of July, I turned twenty-nine with little enthusiasm. At nineteen, I could still throw a grand party for my birthday, sourly lamenting the end of my teenage bloom and growing a year older. But if I tried that at twenty-nine, someone would surely mock me for trying to paint an old cucumber green or for being a mischievous old demon! My twenty-eighth year was a complete mess, with so many bizarre events happening to me and my friends that it could fill a novel. Looking back, my life was like a peacock spreading its tail, colorful and vibrant from the front, but turn it around, and it’s just a grotesque, pitiful organ of excretion. What is love, compared to the powerful force of life? It’s as fragile as a newborn chick, likely to lose its life with a single stumble. I’ve started to fear this city, Beijing; everything it gives feels like a dream, and the love, friendship, and kinship I once cherished have all vanished with the wind, leaving no trace. In this year, the closest friends I had left me in various ways. For someone like me who cherishes companionship, this city has become an empty shell. Xu Ling and the baby miraculously survived, but they were both weak and hadn’t fully recovered. Beijing, with its noise, chaos, and high cost of living, wasn’t ideal for recuperation. Lin Feng decided to move them all to a picturesque, spring-like small town, believing the new environment would be beneficial for everyone. Before leaving, Lin Feng said to me, “Li Zheng, take care of yourself, and stop playing with life.” The most painful part of this relationship was already over, and their departure was expected, but the phrase “playing with life” cut deep. I had given so much for him, for our future plans, and in his eyes, it was all just “playing with life”! I wanted to tell him that I’ve been played by life. Ignoring my boss’s pleas, I quit my job, determined to change my environment and start anew. Before leaving, I heard something surprising: Wu Di, who had vanished for a while, was back and about to marry a girl. He was always an enigma to me, but now I had no interest in uncovering his secrets. This city is forgetful and has a tolerance like the vast sea, undoubtedly a fitting stage for him. I had someone return the jade bracelet to Wu Di, thinking he might need this treasure now, and now I owed him nothing. I went to Wang Yang’s grave to say goodbye; we must have been siblings in a past life, for we were so alike, sometimes to the point of foolishness. I asked him, knowing how things turned out, do you regret losing your life over a fit of passion, getting involved in gang disputes, and dying mysteriously? Although your killer has been executed, a vibrant life was lost just like that. No one answered, and I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly; I had asked a silly question. Life doesn’t deal in “what ifs”! Just as I decided to leave, Guo Ke came to say goodbye first.
Wang Bin easily got divorced and cleared his name, but his cunning father-in-law was uneasy about leaving such a time bomb in the country and tried every means to send him abroad. Guo Ke was very happy; for her, anywhere was the same as long as she could be with Wang Bin, it was paradise. They left, and the old businesses either disbanded or changed hands. The only thing they couldn’t let go of was the still missing Wang Shuai. I remember during the New Year, Wang Shuai and I drew lots at a small temple. My “A Dream of Red Mansions” was eerily accurate, all coming true. He, however, drew two of the worst lots consecutively, I wonder what fate had in store for him, and where he might be now, experiencing life?