The Bustling Empty City

Wu Di, like me, had come from our small, picturesque town, scattered across the country by the magical wand of the college entrance exam to shine and contribute. He was studying at a military academy in Xi’an and was transferring trains in Beijing when he met me. On the journey, I wasn’t shy; I scrutinized his handsome face from top to bottom, not missing even the small black mole behind his ear. Several times when he spoke to me, I was so captivated that I could only manage a quick, “Uh-huh, yeah,” in response. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he seemed to have taken a liking to me as well. That night, amidst the clanging sounds of the train, I rested my head on his shoulder, pretending to sleep, and he sat there like a soldier at attention, not moving an inch. I chuckled to myself, silly soldier, you’re mine now. Then I remembered Xu Ling’s comment about me, “Li Zheng, you’re kind of a pervert!” Xu Ling was my childhood friend; she knew me when my name on the household registration was still Li Zheng, later simplified to Li Zheng in the long process of writing it as punishment in elementary school. My parents couldn’t argue with me, so a perfectly feminine name was altered, along with my personality, and Xu Ling was the only witness to all of this. Actually, what I’m trying to say is that Xu Ling has known me for so long; her assessment of me is undoubtedly authoritative. As a child, I was cunningly mischievous. In the eyes of adults, I was a well-behaved little girl; in the eyes of the neighborhood kids, I was their undisputed leader. At six, I was already leading the children to play on the railroad tracks, pressing metal pieces or small items onto the rails to collect the flattened metal shapes after the train passed, which looked like metal paintings. Most of the time, we just picked up a stone from the side and placed it on the track, and the sparks that flew when the train passed were spectacular. My grandmother found out and gave me a beating, fearing that one of the kids might crawl under the train. After a brief calm, I took them to swim in a pond five miles away, which ended with one child nearly drowning. Once I started school, under the strict surveillance of my mother, who was a teacher, and her colleagues, I went into a long period of dormancy. Perhaps because I had been dormant for too long, my heart suddenly awakened one night. In high school, I was amazed to see that the little snot-nosed boys I used to look down upon had turned into handsome young men overnight. Not only were they good-looking, but they were also good at studying and sports, often sweating on the playground in their little vests, filling the air with their hormones. Overnight, I developed crushes on three of the most handsome boys in our class. I told Xu Ling, “Who am I? If I don’t win them over, I’m not Li Zheng!” Sure enough, within three days, they all became my buddies. They had no objections to my involvement in their matters, and I was always there to help them, especially with passing notes or messages to girls, which they were too shy to do themselves. At the graduation dinner, when they all brought their girlfriends, I realized I was just a fool! They got drunk, left arm in arm, and I couldn’t even find someone to cry to. Xu Ling was referring to this inglorious episode of my life.