Throwing out such harsh words was just a momentary anger. Later, when I calmed down, I realized that becoming heir meant nothing to me. Why compete with her? If she could convince Emperor Hong to change his mind and pass the throne to her, I’d be happy to be a nominal King Yu or get a piece of land for myself, living happily with my family. As long as she treats Afu and her consort well, whether she wants to avenge Bai Chen or do anything else, so be it.
However, An Jin disagreed with my thoughts. He believed I should not only not give up the heir’s position but actively fight for it.
“But I don’t want to be empress,” I lay in his arms, enjoying the relaxation from his fingers gently combing through my hair. “I just want to live well with my family.”
An Jin leaned close to my ear and softly said: “You’ve already declared war on Jiang Yunqiao. Do you think you can withdraw now? The struggle for succession has always been full of schemes and bloodshed. Even if you retreat, she’ll only think you have another plan. Once she ascends the throne, how could she tolerate you?”
“Yunqiao won’t do that,” I said stubbornly, closing my eyes.
An Jin chuckled lightly, pinching my cheek. “Haven’t you suffered enough in the royal family?”
I felt somewhat troubled. While An Jin wasn’t wrong, I felt he was different from before. In the past, he would have followed my wishes, planning together how to avoid this conflict and realize our pastoral ideal.
Now, he was urging me to enter this struggle and grasp power.
The departure of my in-laws, the turmoil in the secret department, fleeing to a foreign land, and changes in identity – the impact on An Jin might be far greater than I imagined. For the first time, I understood he was not a god, not perfect, and could be hurt, lost, and insecure. Perhaps only by holding power could he feel at peace.
I suddenly felt deeply sympathetic to him. As Yunqiao said, giving everything for a loved one is a foolish thing everyone might do. An Jin had meticulously planned for me to escape the three-country situation, and now I was willing to re-enter this game for him.
