“Meow—” I let out a miserable cry.
Who picks up a cat like this? I’ll sue for cat abuse! This bastard grabbed me by the tail and lifted me up, swinging me around like a yo-yo.
“Kitty, you can’t learn bad things. You can’t read these kinds of books anymore.” Devil! He’s definitely Satan reincarnated!
I saw him pinch the book, wave his hand, and the entire book turned to white ash, floating in the air. I reached out my paw to catch it, only getting a few specks.
“Woo—” I shed my precious cat tears of grievance.
For the next three days, I resolutely ignored him.
Here he comes again today.
“Kitty, I was wrong last time. Don’t be mad at me, okay?” the Purple Demon said softly.
Hmph, apology invalid! I’ve heard this fourteen times already! What use is an apology with no sincerity?
“To show my sincere apology, I brought you a gift.”
My ears twitched. A gift today! My eyes glanced at his hand. It was a flat package, not like fish jerky or anything. I searched my brain for flat packaged foods.
Flat things exist, but not this flat! Hmph, I’m a cat with self-respect! I absolutely won’t surrender to evil forces! (If it were a big package, the narrative would be different.)
Imagine me, a dignified cat. How could I bow down and grovel for such a tiny gain? If it were a big reward (fly head vs. elephant head!), that would be different!
“Won’t the cat look at what the gift is?”
No, I will not surrender to such a small gift! I want a big one!
A rectangular object was placed before my eyes. Clang, clang, clang! Several gold-rimmed characters jumped into view, and my eyes “ding” became a 1000-watt light bulb. Seems like it’s even a collector’s edition!
“Meow—” My heart’s engine immediately revved, and I pounced onto the “Spring Palace Secret Techniques” book, flipping through it joyfully.
Behind me, the purple-clad demon curled his lips—truly a special cat.
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Expecting to turn back into a human tomorrow!! [010] Hanging in a Wronged Manner
“Meow meow meow—” I sang the March of the Volunteers while swaying my head and wiggling my butt towards the study. As a cultured cat lady, walking with a wiggling butt is a display of elegance. This is called style!
Arriving at the study door, I felt my eyelids twitch. They say left eye twitching means fortune, right eye twitching means disaster—so what does it mean that both my eyes are twitching?
After pondering, I realized: my eyes are cramping! I’ve been staring at that collector’s edition book without blinking.
Ah, I’m just too devoted to art! “Dedicating oneself to art” describes me perfectly! I’m moved by my own selfless spirit!
I was lost in self-admiration.
Slap.
Ugh, I hit the door again. An accident; this door was just repaired yesterday.
The master of the house has clearly stated that if I break the door again, the repair cost will be deducted from my snack budget.
Now I’m being very careful. Breaking the door is minor, but it would prevent me from eating fresh fish, which is a big problem.
Entering the room, I skillfully headed towards my dedicated bookshelf. The master has filled the bottom two shelves with books I like.
Continuing to lie on a collector’s edition book and stuffing fresh fish into my mouth, I suddenly heard a barely perceptible sound. My fluffy ears twitched, and I became alert. The sound was light, not like the master’s.
“Squeak—” I narrowed my eyes. Who dares to peek at my beautiful reading pose?
A shadow appeared at the corner of the bookshelf. Exciting! I hid behind the corner, my heart pounding as I waited for the peeper to approach.
Good! The shadow appeared, coming this way!
“Meow—” I roared and jumped out, throwing punches and a kick.
How did they all miss?
I looked down in confusion.
“Meow—” A shrill cry pierced the air.
Rat—rat—there’s a rat ahhhhh——!!
I scrambled to the top of the bookshelf, my paws hugging my head and my butt raised high. I, Huaxiao Xin, fear nothing except these disgusting rats!
The culprit rat had fainted from my roar.
“What’s wrong, cat?” Ouyang Zidust entered, pushing the door. Hearing his familiar voice, I rushed into Zizi’s embrace.
Ouyang Zidust, curious about my fright, stroked me and wondered what could scare a cat so much. Since discovering my relationship with Wuchen, he had lost the heart to harm me.
Pushing his wheelchair along the bookshelf, he finally spotted a rat. “Is it this thing?” He frowned.
I peeked from his embrace, saw the rat, and shrank back in fear.
Ouyang Zidust laughed uncontrollably, “It’s just too funny, a cat afraid of rats!” How embarrassing!
I quickly escaped his embrace, feeling humiliated.
As I ran, I cursed. I was so scared I almost pooped and needed to find a bathroom to “do my business”. Don’t stare; haven’t you seen a noble cat before?
I’m a cultured cat; I won’t casually relieve myself. I’ll carefully choose a corner if I’m going to do it!
After searching several places, they were all occupied. What kind of day is this?!
I rushed around anxiously. It’s coming out! Woo—
Bathroom, bathroom! There’s a bathroom ahead—
Bathroom! I love you—
Like a rocket, I whooshed into the bathroom, leaving a cat-shaped black hole on the paper-thin door.
“Meow—”
The result? I rushed too forcefully and fell! It’s so dirty down here, so smelly!! Woo—I’m not going to survive this!!!
Uh, I was just saying, but why am I still floating and rising? No, no, no—— No——My dried fish! My beautiful man!
[011] A Gloomy Name! “My dear, what’s going on up there? Why is it making such a racket?” the Jade Emperor patted the Queen Mother’s hand, glancing fearfully at the ceiling of the Heavenly Palace. “From the sound, it seems to be coming from the Tai Bai Divine Temple on the 99th heaven. It might be this old man causing trouble, bringing something from the human world… fireworks? Yes, fireworks! I heard they’re quite beautiful~” The Jade Emperor rubbed his forehead as the Queen Mother’s expression shifted from a frown to wide, sparkling eyes: the Heavenly Court was about to be in chaos again.
Last time, the Queen Mother insisted on something from the human world called chicken mud, claiming it was trendy and beautiful, even using the word “sexy” while wearing a two-piece outfit. The following day, all officials in the Heavenly Court took sick leave without specifying a reason, which was understood—everyone had boils… including me.
“Tai Bai, come out!” I shouted while slapping a feather duster in my hand. Our respected Tai Bai Jinxing was trembling and curled up under the bed.
“Not coming out! A real man, if he says he won’t come out, he won’t come out!” Tai Bai shouted defiantly.
Oh? The old man has learned to resist? I tossed the feather duster aside and reached for him.
“Old man, don’t you owe me a reasonable explanation?!” I finally grabbed Tai Bai’s beard and pulled him out from under the bed.
“Oh, oh, oh—be gentle! This beard is valuable! I wash it daily with Qing holy water, comb it with a five-colored glass comb, and occasionally wax and oil it…” Tai Bai ramble about his beard care.
“Enough! Stop blabbering, or I’ll set fire to it!” I interrupted.
Tai Bai jumped back, holding his beard protectively.
“Why did I turn into a cat!” I exclaimed in frustration, unable to directly express my feelings for the beautiful man.
Even worse, whoever wrote the Book of Life and Death made me die in a cesspit before enjoying beauty—how unfair! I beat my chest like a gorilla—my heart aches! My beautiful man! (crying dramatically)
Wiping my nose, I grabbed Tai Bai’s beard with a resolute expression: “No, I’m going back to soak in beautiful men.” Tai Bai was about to reason with me but suddenly caught my menacing look. He glanced at his meticulously maintained “First Beard in Heaven.”
