“My heaven is pure white. This morning, I even visited. At that time, I thought I was dead, in a vast, white space with thousands of angels playing with snow staffs, their wings so soft, so beautiful, bathed in sunlight. I thought I’d have wings too, able to go wherever I wanted, Greece, Egypt… but then God came over and said, ‘Xiao Wu, go back and continue to wreak havoc on earth.’ And with that, he kicked me back.”
“Really?” She looked surprisingly calm, then ten seconds later, she jumped up, shouting, “I’m going to confront him!”
I stared for two seconds, then burst into laughter until my sides hurt.
“Xiao Wu, make some room for me; I want to lie down too.”
She stood before me and spoke. I did as she instructed. She took off her shoes, climbed onto the bed, and wrapped her arms around me. I snuggled close to her, listening as she said, “I feel relieved seeing you, so glad you’re okay.” “What if I had died? Xia Wei, do you know? There was a moment when I really thought I was going to die.” “Were you scared?” “If it were before, definitely not. But just now, when it got quiet, I suddenly felt very afraid. I thought, if I died, I would be gone forever, and when you think of me, you wouldn’t see me or hear my voice anymore, and we wouldn’t be able to chat like this. And…” I couldn’t continue. What I wanted to say was: there would never be a chance to reconcile with Xiang Xiao. Although she doesn’t love me, even dislikes me. Death isn’t that scary. She didn’t speak, just hugged me tightly: “No, Xiang Xiaowu, you’ll live to be 120. Actually, death isn’t that scary.” “Aren’t you afraid?” “No, not at all. Death is just another way of existing. If one day I die, don’t be surprised; everyone dies, just at different times. If I die, I’ll be sitting in a pumpkin carriage in a heaven filled with roses, missing you.” “Don’t talk like that.” I sighed, “I’d rather we all live well.” “Xiang Xiaowu, if one day I really die, I’ll miss you.” I nodded vigorously. But Xia Wei, neither of us will die, at least not for the next fifty, seventy years, we’ll be fine. Just like you said, I firmly believe: we can both live to be 120, or even longer. But let’s not talk about death. Xia Wei smiled, a very sad smile. I didn’t know how she could smile so sadly; it was the first time I’d seen such an expression on her since I’ve known her. Suddenly, I felt an oppressive sadness in my heart. Why talk about death at a time like this? We’re still so young, with so many experiences yet to have, even a grand, passionate romance, or… not even having a true romance, I don’t want to take it to my grave. “How about I write our story and publish it? That way, even if I die, or you die, or someone close to us dies, it can serve as a keepsake, preserved forever.” Her suggestion shocked me at first, but then I got excited; Xia Wei is Xia Wei, always so unexpected. Many years ago, before I knew her, she had published articles in some bourgeois magazines, but then she stopped writing, for reasons unknown. According to her, she retired to give her fans something to remember. But in fact, only I know it was because of a failed first love. Xia Wei, the idol, had a crush on an intern teacher when she was in middle school, who taught literature, just graduated from college, and was said to be very handsome, worthy of all the beautiful words in the world. He liked to wear a light blue tracksuit, played tennis exceptionally well, had a gentle gaze when he smiled, and his silhouette at the blackboard looked like a prince from a fairy tale, especially when he was teaching poetry, quoting classics, he was incredibly cool. For him, she spent a month reading through “Dream of the Red Chamber,” “Yuanqu,” “Tang Poetry,” and even memorized the 300 Tang Poems. Later, she found out the intern was already in a relationship with a tall, fierce northern woman, his childhood sweetheart. Once, Xia Wei saw them at the school gate, walking one after the other, the teacher carrying her bag and other random daily items, even sanitary pads, just like any other man she saw in the market. The perfect image of the handsome teacher shattered. Because of this, she was once very depressed, burned all the writings she had done for him, and never wrote again. “Are you going to start writing again?” I asked her. “Yes! The editor has been asking me for manuscripts, but I didn’t want to write, and I’m not short of money, so I’ve been dragging their requests into the trash. But last weekend, I got an email from an editor, proposing a series of youth novels, and they want me to join. I find it quite interesting.” “Did you agree?” “Not yet, but I might give it a try.” Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she said this, a smile at the corner of her mouth. She was born to be adored; this thought made me feel warm, although deep down, there was a hint of jealousy, but she’s my best friend, I should be happy for her. Xiang Xiaowu has only three idols in her life: Gu Nanxiang, Xia Wei, and… hehe, the super invincible, universally adored, beautiful girl Xiang Xiaowu herself. (^_^) Hehe… While we were talking, Xiang Tong returned. Her eyes were a bit swollen, her expression off, but not too bad. While she and Xia Wei chatted, I ate all the buns and porridge she had bought. Then they went out to eat, and Xia Wei came back to stay with me, saying Xiang Tong had gone home, and she would stay at the hospital with me tonight. I was happy Xia Wei stayed, but I couldn’t help but think of Xiang Tong. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh at noon, maybe I should have been nicer, maybe… like when Lin Xiaole and the others told me: Gu Nanxiang will never like you, I was very upset, even though it was an undeniable fact, once spoken, it became cruel! That night, Xia Wei and I squeezed into the small hospital bed, talking endlessly until after midnight when we finally fell asleep. At eleven, while she was in the bathroom, I used her phone to call Xiang Tong. She answered; it was noisy, probably at a bar. She shouted, asking what was up. I didn’t want to show concern, just said: “I accidentally dialed,” and hung up. About two minutes later, she called back; it was quiet now. I guessed she was hiding in the bathroom or somewhere else. Sometimes I think, Xiang Tong and I are like many people, both caring for each other and being wary. The next morning when I woke up, Xia Wei had already gone to school. There was a note on the bedside table: “Xiang Xiaowu, you sleep like a pig, so I won’t disturb your sweet dreams. I’ll visit you again this weekend – Xia Wei, hehe.” I read the note and smiled. Her handwriting was still as sloppy as when she was in middle school, like a child’s.
