I hurriedly rode my horse to the Yang residence, gathering information from the citizens. I jumped off my horse and kicked the gate with one foot—my kung fu was no joke! The gate collapsed, revealing poor engineering. Ignoring the guards’ cold stares and the maids’ panicked looks, I shouted, “Yang Ziru! Get out here right now!”
My shout echoed across the sky several times.
All creatures within hundreds of miles scattered, and the guards and maids standing before me vanished without a trace. Hmph, they knew better than to block my path!
A minute later, instead of Yang Ziru coming out, an elderly gentleman appeared. I looked closely: “Oh! Old General!” My anger turned to joy. This old man had been so shocked by my legendary banana-related heroic deed that he had even wanted to retire to his hometown and toasted me at the victory banquet!
Seeing it was me, the old man shed his military dignity and burst into tears. “Oh! Ling Bodyguard! You’re leaving the imperial palace without telling this old man! I can’t go home, can’t retire! Waaah…”
A large droplet of cold sweat rolled down the back of my head. “Old General, even if we haven’t seen each other in ages, isn’t this a bit excessive?” After confirming his vision and hearing were intact, he released his grip on me: “Ling Bodyguard, are you a woman?”
I nodded: “Of course! This news has spread throughout the world. Don’t you know?” The old man shook his head: “This old man didn’t know.” I heartily slapped his shoulder: “No worries! This meaningless gossip is just international news; ignore it! Now you know, right?”
The old man coughed violently and asked, “Ling Bodyguard, may I ask why you’ve kicked down my gate and are demanding my daughter come out?”
I snapped back, “How did you raise your daughter?! She kidnapped my employee and didn’t say a word! I’m here to demand her back!”
The old man looked shocked, striking a pose. “If I’m not mistaken, Ziru merely brought back Prince Mo Ran, to whom she is betrothed…”
“Your ancestors’ eighteen generations! He’s my employee!” I shouted.
The old man, despite being a general, appeared afraid. “Ling Bodyguard, please… calm down. Let me invite you in for tea to discuss finding Ziru…”
My anger flared, “Drink your dead head! I want to find your daughter right now!”
Helplessly, the old man led me to his daughter’s room. Just as I was about to kick the door, an earth-shattering scream emerged from inside: “Waaah! Father!”
Huh, if I’m not mistaken, that’s my son Mo Ran, who was kidnapped by this woman. Such a shocking scream – I’ve never heard anything like it! Mo Ran! Your other parent is here to save you!!!
I was so angry that I gritted my teeth, “You’re the most vicious little brat in history! If you dare touch my Mo Ran with that lousy ‘mosquito swatter’ again, I’ll slap you and kick your old man away!” The old man behind me was so scared that he tiptoed and quietly slipped out the door, fleeing for his life.
Yang Ziru suddenly sprang up as if provoked, smoke coming out of her seven orifices, “What did you say?! You actually said my family discipline is…” I raised my eyebrow and repeated verbatim: “Lousy ‘mosquito swatter.'” With my words, I drove Yang Ziru into a rage, “I’ll kill you!”
I provocatively beckoned her, “Come on, bite me. You’re just a dog in the Beggar Clan with no reputation, no status, no dignity.” This pierced her heart; ha, got you, didn’t I?
Our war was about to erupt when Mo Ran suddenly interjected: “Dad…” I turned and glared at the unwise boy: “This is a duel between women, men stay out! Lie down and watch how your dad handles this savage woman!” Mo Ran immediately shut up and made a zipping motion.
I turned back and stared at her, occasionally turning on the air conditioning, determined to freeze her with my glare, damn it!
Jade Emperor godfather, King of Hell godfather, grant me strength to stare her to death! Counting to three in a cool Bruce Lee-like tone: “Ah-da~ Savage dog, bring it on!”
We both rushed forward and started fighting wildly. After the storm, I tossed the almost unrecognizable Yang Ziru into the corner, dusted off my hands, and ran to the bed, propping my cheeks and asking: “Hey kid, do you like lying on her bed? Why aren’t you getting up?”
Mo Ran’s face turned ashamed, “My butt hurts… Yang Ziru’s discipline has already landed at least 1,500 times on my butt.” I was speechless; Mo Ran had actually endured a night of torture from this savage woman! “Poor child, Dad will take you back to the Number One Hall and get you a good pillow to sit comfortably.”
Mo Ran’s face turned extremely ugly. I supported his heavy arm on my weak shoulder, about to walk out the door when Yang Ziru stood up with difficulty, wiped the blood from her mouth, and shouted: “Stop!”
I turned back, staring at this fearless girl. Around us, it felt like a Siberian blizzard had descended, the low temperature causing Mo Ran to shiver. Where our gazes met, sparks flew. Yang Ziru had been spoiled beyond redemption, fearless of anything. If I looked at others like this, they wouldn’t have survived my murderous gaze.
“Speak up!”
” This came from my noble mouth.
“What to speak about! Why are you taking Mo Ran away!” Yang Ziru stared at me with wide eyes. “Damn, do I need a reason to take my son? What kind of bullshit law is this!” I didn’t lose my momentum. Does she want to fight me? Just her? A little Beggar Clan dog?
“Since you keep saying you’re Mo Ran’s ‘dad’, I, Yang Ziru, am Mo Ran’s fiancée, which makes me your future daughter-in-law! Don’t you have the heart to pull your son out of happiness?” Yang Ziru spoke with conviction.
“Damn your ancestors’ nonsense! I represent the moon in despising you!”
I paused, gave her a contemptuous look. “First, I don’t believe you’re engaged to my Mo Ran. Second, I don’t think you’re my daughter-in-law because my son doesn’t like women I don’t care about.”
Just as Yang Ziru was about to explode, I interrupted: “And most importantly! I’ll choose my own daughter-in-law! And you? Go cultivate for 1,800 more lifetimes! Hmph!” Mo Ran cooperatively mimicked my cold snort, and we elegantly went home.
A few days later, something big would happen because our family and Mo were coming.”
[Volume Two – Jianghu: Chapter Forty-Two ‘Thousand Altars Undrunk’]
When leaving, I dragged the old man back for a lecture. Our education involves violent intimidation and a long speech. The old man had his daughter serve hot tea and asked me to sit down. Damn the talk; I’m here to scold!
I slammed the table, making the tea cups jump, “You old man, how do you raise a daughter?! Stealing and abusing my son! Joining the Beggar Clan and doing it so badly! No ethics! If not for your face, I would’ve slapped that girl! This kind of untalented, ill-mannered person is a disgrace!”
“Ling Bodyguard, I’m extremely sorry…” The old man lowered his head.
I slammed the table again, making the whole earth tremble. “What use is your apology?! Raising a daughter like this is disrespectful to parents, to your ancestors! Sorry to my Jade Emperor godfather, to my King of Hell godfather, and to all good citizens of society! If you don’t know how to raise a daughter, don’t have one! You’ve produced such an unqualified, unethical waste!”
My long-winded speech made the old man wish to dig a hole and hide, his waist bent at almost a right angle, “Deeply ashamed, most apologetic…”
Damn, apologizing again!
I didn’t waste my precious saliva just to hear him keep apologizing! What use is an apology? Can it make up for my valuable time? Can it stop my boy Moran’s buttocks from swelling? Damn! I slap the table with all my might, rendering it completely destroyed. “Apologies are useless! Old man, I advise you not to waste time on the court!”
