If Yu Mo were jealous of Mo Ran holding me, it would prove his love. I was anxious and desperately wanted to calm my unease. Yu Mo, say something! Why aren’t you speaking? Aren’t you angry? Don’t you know I like you?
Finally, I heard Yu Mo’s footsteps approaching. He pulled me from Mo Ran’s arms, holding me tightly–so tightly it was almost suffocating, but my heart was now at peace. Yu Mo cared about me. “I warn you, never touch Han’er again!”
He then threw me over his shoulder–couldn’t he at least do a princess carry? Hmph, a man without romance! I beat his back in protest.
When I looked up, I saw Mo Ran smiling at me–not his usual carefree smile, but a forced, bitter one. I was stunned, not knowing what to say to him. I chose silence.
Yu Mo carried me for a long time, stopping at my room’s door. He put me down resolutely and walked away, leaving me feeling hurt. Wasn’t he going to say anything? I couldn’t help but ask: “Yu Mo, do you care? About Mo Ran holding me?”
“I do,” he squeezed out the word without warmth.
“Do you love me?” I asked, waiting patiently, but he didn’t respond. Was Yu Mo’s coldness truly jealousy? Perhaps I’d gone too far.
I stood there feeling hurt and bitter. If he cared about Mo Ran holding me, why couldn’t he confirm his feelings? Did he never love me?
Out of nostalgia, I put on the guard uniform I used to wear in the palace, tied a precious sword to my waist, and felt incredibly heroic! I walked brazenly through the palace paths, teasing eunuchs and flirting with beautiful palace maids.
Although I am female, I believe my little Shang wouldn’t be angry about my antics. However, I now realize that cross-dressing, whether female to male or male to female, is generally considered a “human demon.” Ugh, that feels awkward.
Back when I worked in the palace, my “misdeeds” were well-known among eunuchs and those I deeply disliked. Due to the principle that “bad boys are attractive” and my beauty, I had many female fans; eight out of ten concubines in the harem were my admirers.
