When I looked down, I felt dizzy.
Ye Zhengchen’s room had green curtains, hiding everything inside.
Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes and jumped down.
I landed roughly but quickly pulled open the sliding door and rushed in.
The Ye Zhengchen I knew was always neatly dressed and wore the brightest smile.
I never imagined he would lie on the ground, pale as a corpse, in a messy room filled with beer cans and a pungent smell of alcohol.
This wasn’t the Ye Zhengchen I knew. He wouldn’t be this fragile!
I rushed over and hugged him. His body was still warm.
I found some strength and shook him desperately. “What are you doing? What do you want!”
Then I collapsed on top of him, crying loudly. I just wanted to cry.
Brother Feng and the apartment office staff opened the door and rushed in. Brother Feng looked surprised and then glanced at the open window, understanding.
He immediately lifted Ye Zhengchen and ran towards Feng Zhong Hospital without checking his condition or asking me what happened. He seemed unnaturally calm, as if certain Ye Zhengchen could be saved.
I was lost, forgetting about the ambulance, just following him.
…
In the hospital, the emergency room doctor administered an IV and examined Ye Zhengchen.
I asked, “Doctor, how is he? Is his life in danger?”
He replied, “It’s okay, he can be saved. Go wait outside…”
I sighed with relief, sitting on a chair outside and rubbing my swollen ankle.
Brother Feng came out, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Fighting and disagreements are normal in a relationship, but do you have to go this far?”
I was silent, unable to express my feelings.
Brother Feng was furious, pacing around. “I’ve never seen such a heartless woman. He’s already like this, and you still can’t forgive him…”
My mind was in a mess.
Later, I was particularly impressed by Brother Feng’s reasoning ability. Just by seeing the scene, he discerned my conflict with Ye Zhengchen and my unwillingness to forgive him. Engineers indeed possess strong logical thinking.
Seeing that I remained silent, Brother Feng sat beside me. “Think about it, what if I hadn’t found him today? What if he had really died? Wouldn’t you feel any regret at all?”
“Don’t say anymore.”
I more than regretted it. Just the thought of Ye Zhengchen dying in my arms made me want to jump off the building with him. I never imagined he would take such drastic measures.
He usually didn’t seem so fragile.
“Alas!” Brother Feng sighed and handed me a tissue. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but I know he was devoted to you…”
When Ye Zhengchen woke up, he saw me, and a slight smile appeared at the corner of his mouth as he slowly reached out his hand.
I let my hand hang down by the bed and told him coldly, “Don’t do such foolish things again.”
He replied, “I didn’t do anything foolish; I just didn’t want to go out… didn’t want to see anyone or do anything.”
“I’ll leave first; you rest well.”
As I stood, he suddenly grabbed my sleeve with his IV-attached hand, his grip weak, likely due to his lack of strength. But he held onto me, and my calmness began to fade. “I’ll call Yu Yin to come and keep you company.”
He let go of my hand and smiled bitterly. “Forget it, go if you want to go.”
I wanted to leave, but my feet were rooted to the ground.
“Do you know what it feels like to lose freedom?” he asked.
I didn’t know.
“I don’t remember when it started, but I became a person living in a cage… not to avoid reality, but locked in by others…”
I was drawn into his words and sat down.
He recounted how he used to be free until one day, he was locked in an iron cage. Others made him stand or sit, restricting both his actions and thoughts. No matter what was asked of him, he could only obey, with no right to say “no.”
For him, Yu Yin was also a lock, holding him down.
“Can a person develop feelings for a lock?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I replied.
“He won’t. He will try everything to remove the lock.”
What he wanted was simple: “freedom.”
Long-term confinement made him unbearable, and he often wished to break free from the cage but couldn’t.
“Why can’t you?” I asked.
“For responsibility, for…”
He changed the subject, then mentioned meeting a girl helplessly standing on the street one beautiful autumn evening. He liked helping those in need.
Not everyone appreciated him, but that girl was grateful and treated him to a delicious dinner.
She called him “Senior brother.” Her coquettish voice reminded him of calling his own brother. He liked this address and referred to her as “Little girl,” treating her like a younger sister.
Over time, he grew fond of this little sister and cherished her warm home filled with the smell of firewood. Whenever he felt tired, he longed to sit there for a while.
One day, a patient—a twelve-year-old Japanese girl—passed away in the hospital ward. She was very cute and would attempt to call him “Big brother” in awkward Chinese, then cover her mouth and smile at him.
After the girl’s death, he sat by her bed until late at night, feeling exhausted. He wanted someone to accompany him but wasn’t sure whom to find. He paused for a long time outside a door, knowing it was inappropriate to knock on a girl’s door so late.
Nonetheless, he rang her doorbell. She quickly opened the door, wearing a thin nightgown and rubbing her innocent eyes.
“I say, it’s so late, are you treating me like a daughter?” She pouted yet smiled radiantly.
In that moment, he suddenly wanted to hug her.
He felt an impulse to reach out and grab her, to keep her close, where she would bring him a towel and cook noodles for him.
Glancing at her soft pink sheets and crumpled blanket, he imagined how cozy it must be to sleep there. He believed his desire to break free stemmed from too much confinement.
Then came the rainy day he went to pick her up. While sitting in the car, he saw another man grab her hand and wrap his arm around her waist; she didn’t resist. Intense anger surged within him, a desire to pry the man’s hand away and hold her himself.
In that moment, he realized he had fallen in love. Her rain-soaked body awakened his primal desires—to press her beneath him and hear her soft moans. Yet, he knew he couldn’t love anyone; he lacked the freedom to do so.
He struggled, and on a stormy night, she cried, “You’re putting me in heaven and hell.” He felt the same, one foot in heaven and one foot in hell. From the beginning, he understood he would hurt her.
He craved that unbridled passion so intensely that he felt only by holding her could he possess true freedom.
He couldn’t break through his shackles and became more entangled instead.
After hearing this story, I was at a loss for words. I have never known a man who laughs so wildly while living so pitifully. I want to hold him, give him warmth and freedom, and tell him: Let’s love each other with one foot in heaven and one foot in hell. Even if we shatter, our bones will be together.
I grit my teeth, enduring the pain in my ankle, and stand up to walk outside.
I hear him say: “Darling, I miss you so much…”
Author’s note: Xinxin (blinking star-like eyes): Ye, will you be so fragile? Certain Ye (brushing off his epaulettes): People have fragile moments. Xinxin: You shouldn’t do **, you should be an actor. Your acting is too good. Certain Ye: Of course, how could my acting not be good? Darling: What are you talking about? Xinxin: It’s okay if you don’t understand, as long as the readers do. Does everyone understand?
Lies spread. I grit my teeth, screaming internally: No! He has a fiancée!
Out loud, I say something else. In that moment, I want to slap myself. How useless! Completely hopeless!
“I want to eat pork ribs and winter melon soup, with lots of pork ribs,” he says clearly.
“Got it.”
