” Author’s note: How many people believe Ye Zi’s words? Raise your hand and vote! I count. Helpless falling. I waited for his answer, forgetting to breathe and blink. My palms were full of sweat. I was terrified he would nod. “What kind of man do you think I am?! I don’t like her; how could I touch her?” Ye Zhengchen righteously denied. My heart relaxed slightly, but remembering the ambiguity between Ye Zhengchen and Yu Yin left me feeling blocked. I asked again, “Really not? Even if you were drunk, or couldn’t control yourself, or she…” Without hesitation, he interrupted me. “No, not once.” Without spiritual betrayal or physical infidelity, I couldn’t find a reason to blame him, except for well-intentioned concealment. I detected a hint of concealment in Ye Zhengchen’s explanation. If everything developed as expected, he wouldn’t need to conceal or be threatened by Yu Yin. A man who doesn’t love a woman but maintains contact suggests some relationship. I suddenly thought of an important question. “Did you have an engagement?” I carefully watched his reaction, looking for any flicker in his eyes to determine if he was lying. In fact, there was no need; Ye Zhengchen never intended to lie to me. “
He was silent, lowering his face to avoid my gaze. This was the answer. My hot anticipation cooled, and my thoughts froze. A man pressured by family, engaged to a woman he doesn’t love, now struggles with his feelings for someone else, ultimately betraying his vows.
I couldn’t blame him. If a man’s mistake stems from love, it can be forgiven. As for Yu Yin, I couldn’t understand her silence or her faint smile towards me. If I were her, I would have chosen to let go long ago.
I gripped the blanket, storing away the bitterness in my heart. “You should go.”
He looked up. “You… still can’t forgive me?”
“I don’t blame you.” I forced an ugly smile. “You should ask her for forgiveness, not me.”
“Darling…”
Seeing him reach out, I put my hands behind my back. “Yu Yin is right. I can’t continue being with you. No matter how much I like you, I can’t date a man with a fiancée. Sorry!” I had always despised insincere politeness, yet I had unknowingly learned it.
This “sorry” felt pitiful and ridiculous.
He became anxious, promising, “Give me some time, I can handle this matter.”
” How long? Three years? Is it worth waiting three years for a man with a fiancée? Looking at the person before me, for another man, of course not. But for him, perhaps. I ran into the bathroom, turning the cold water to maximum, desperately washing my face to calm myself. His things were neatly arranged on the right side of the sink. Seeing them, I kept washing my face. I saw him in the mirror, standing behind me, seemingly with countless words he wanted to say but couldn’t. “Get out!” I gathered his things, turning to throw them at him. “Take your things and get out!” He stood motionless, and the items crashed to the floor with dull thuds. “I don’t want to see you again,” I said. “You never loved me,” Ye Zhengchen stated flatly, his voice drifting like it was from far away. He left, gently locking my door. His desolate back was etched on my heart again. Water from the faucet kept flowing, overflowing the sink, spreading on the floor. I squatted down, picking up the water-soaked toothbrush, towel, and broken glass, throwing them in the trash. I hoped the water could flood over me, submerge my heartbeat, so my heart would stop thinking of him. From that day, I never saw Ye Zhengchen again. He seemed to quietly disappear from my life, or perhaps never existed. “
I continued attending classes, reading materials, and nurturing my bacteria. Regardless of the holiday, I focused entirely on my studies, taking notes and dedicating myself to my work in the lab.
I carefully read the summary Ye Zhengchen wrote for me, exploring his annotations and marking every key point. Each exclamation mark he used represented a crucial insight.
As the time for cultivating bacteria reached critical days, I moved my bedding into the lab, checking on them every three hours while in protective gear. One early morning, the associate professor found me packing up my bedding. When I explained that I was cultivating bacteria and needed constant attention, his attitude shifted; he became more friendly and even told me, somewhat insincerely, to take care of myself. I replied, “Thank you!”
After extended time in Japan, I noticed a growing sense of insincerity in everyone, including myself.
I laughed and chatted with friends, pulling Lingling to go shopping, portraying an image of doing well. Yet, in solitude, I often lay in bed, wrapped in a cold blanket, reminiscing about Ye Zhengchen and moments we shared. During periods of insomnia, I would stare at the wall covered in the character “zheng,” slowly counting each stroke in the darkness.
Sometimes, a song would drift from next door, the melodious “Heavenly Fragrance.”
I bit the back of my hand and silently shed tears, not wanting the neighbors to hear me cry. I cooked a full pot of noodles, intending to bring some to him, but then held back.
I called Qin Xue, who said she had eaten, and Lingling, who said she was busy in the lab. So I ate alone, finishing all the noodles.
When Lingling came back, I had just finished eating and smiled at her with reddened eyes. She sighed deeply.
I falsely said, “I’m fine.”
“Did you and Ye Zhengchen have a fight?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Not a fight, a breakup.”
She laughed teasingly. “Broken up again?”
“Lingling…” I looked at her seriously. “If your loved one suddenly had an unexpected fiancée, what would you do?”
Lingling stopped laughing and walked to the balcony, looking at the cherry blossom forest, now only green leaves remaining.
“I…” she said, her eyes filled with sorrow. “As long as he doesn’t let go, I’ll wait for him, no matter how long…”
She softly added, “Some people, once you’ve loved them, you can’t love anyone else again… If you truly love someone, why give them up to another woman? So what if she’s his fiancée? They’re not even married yet!”
After Lingling left, I stood on the balcony, sleepless all night.
Some people, once you’ve loved them, you can’t love anyone else again. Three years isn’t that long compared to a lifetime.
The next morning, after washing up and mustering my spirits to go to school, Brother Feng knocked on my door, asking if I had seen Ye Zhengchen. I replied, “I haven’t seen him for over twenty days.” He mentioned that everyone was discussing Ye Zhengchen in the cafeteria last night, noting that even Little Lin from the medical department hadn’t seen him. Brother Feng had tried calling him, but his phone was off.
I suddenly recalled the occasional song from next door. The sky was gloomy with gray clouds. The corridor felt unstable beneath my feet. I quickly grabbed the railing to steady myself.
Without putting on my shoes, I rushed to Ye Zhengchen’s door, pressing the doorbell with all my might. “Senior! Are you there? Open the door.”
There was no response.
I banged on the door, shouting, “Ye Zhengchen, I know you’re in there, open the door!”
He still didn’t answer.
My blood turned to ice as my cold hand gripped the doorknob. “Don’t scare me, open the door, open it quickly…”
Brother Feng dragged me aside, viciously kicking the door and shouting, “Ye Zhengchen, open the door…”
Inside was dead silence.
I backed away in fear, feeling like I was falling from a ten-thousand-foot cliff.
“Wait, I’ll go downstairs to borrow a key,” Brother Feng said.
I nodded, unable to process his words.
Brother Feng ran downstairs, but I couldn’t wait. I needed to know what happened to him. Staggering back to my room, I grabbed a chair and ran to the balcony, climbing onto the two-meter-high partition.
I don’t know how I climbed up, only feeling a force pushing me from behind.
