I opened my mouth, trying to speak multiple times before finally saying, “None of this is true. I won’t believe it.”
Yu Yin replied as she picked up her things, “If it makes you feel better, you can continue believing him.” I looked up, and in my blurry vision, I saw Yu Yin.
I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination, but she seemed to be smiling pleasantly.
Before leaving, she said, “I don’t want to deceive you. He truly loves you. For you, he would do anything, even divorce. I have no other choice…”
I don’t remember how long passed as I walked out of the café. Dusk fell, and darkness enveloped me.
My phone rang. After searching my bag, I found it was Ye Zhengchen, saying he would take me to dinner. I didn’t respond. He took my silence as consent and said, “I’m waiting for you downstairs.”
At the medical school’s gate, a person stood under a ginkgo tree, even straighter than the tree itself. His gaze locked onto me, the night wind barely disturbing him.
Without looking closely, I already knew who it was. I approached him, and in the scattered starlight, his outline was blurry. A sharp pain in my heart compelled me to spread my arms and hug him, burying my face in his warm chest.
After a moment of surprise, he patted my back. “What’s wrong? Did the associate professor scold you again?”
Yu Yin was right; he was good at understanding people’s emotions. Such a man is irresistible to women.
I looked up in his arms and gently shook my head. He tentatively touched my lips, soft and numb. I pursed my lips, not avoiding him.
In the fragrance of ginkgo leaves, he held me in his arms, a light kiss on my forehead.
White moonlight fell on his smile, overflowing with anticipation.
I smiled, feeling it wasn’t enough. “On my way back, I kept asking: Where is the bottom line of my love for you…”
He didn’t understand but listened intently.
“You have a fiancée; I can forgive that and wait for you. You’ve slept with her; I can consider it a momentary impulse. Even if you loved her, I wouldn’t blame you. But there’s one thing I can never forgive.”
I spoke slowly: “You are a married man!”
His smile faded, whether from moonlight or his complexion.
I waited for him to tell me definitively that he and Yu Yin had no relationship.
This time, he was silent.
At the moment I hoped he would lie, he chose not to.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” I gripped his hand tightly. “Tell me this isn’t true, tell me you haven’t gotten married.”
As long as he said so, I would believe him. I could pretend the marriage certificate was forged, that all those agreements were fake. Just as long as he said: “I have never been married,” I would truly believe him.
“I’m sorry!”
In the dark night, the world collapsed before my eyes.
Author’s note: The following part is quite tangled; it’s driving me crazy.
Tragic Love
“Why did you lie to me?” I let go of his hand, staggering back. “You made me believe you…”
He shook his head. “I admit I hid many things, but I didn’t lie.”
“Is there a difference?”
He looked at the ground, pondering before raising his head. “Is there no way to win you back, no matter what I say or do?”
“It’s impossible now. Even if I still loved you, I could never be the third person who destroys someone else’s family.”
“I’m sorry, it’s my fault… I never thought things would come to this.” His voice was low and hoarse. “Before you, I had never loved anyone and thought protection was love… I didn’t expect to hurt you. If I had known I would hurt you so deeply, I would rather…”
“No need to say more.” I didn’t want to hear it.
Seeing him walk into Yu Yin’s home was heartbreaking. I thought Yu Yin was his fiancée, and my chest shattered. I thought I couldn’t feel more pain than this.
However, I underestimated him. Compared to those words, the previous pain was nothing.
What could be more painful than a man you love and trust, who claims to love only you yet cannot be with you?
I left silently. He didn’t try to stop me, merely asking, “Can you forgive me?”
“Yes,” I replied. “When you’re dying.”
The relationship ended in the ugliest way. I could no longer laugh or cry. I hoped I could cry to release my anger, but my tears seemed to have dried up.
Ye Zhengchen never looked for me again. Occasionally, I received strange emails with no text, only attachments containing research on the bacteria I studied, key points marked in red. I downloaded and read them carefully.
I also received chocolates from LEONIDAS in Belgium, sent from Tokyo, with no sender information. The cocoa butter was smooth and rich, but I could no longer taste the sweetness.
One day, my bicycle chain broke, and I pushed it back to my apartment, taking an hour. The next day, while preparing for repairs, I found it had already been fixed, even the brake lubricated.
That day, I stood in the bacterial cultivation room, lost in thought.
I knew who had done this, but I didn’t understand why—was he trying to make amends or had he simply become accustomed to being good to me, as I had to his kindness?
Noticing the lights go out in the building across the street, I realized it was already one in the morning. I walked out of the lab, removed my protective gear, and stood at the elevator door, surrounded by silence and the smell of disinfectant. I crossed my arms, feeling a chilling wind.
The elevator arrived, and I stepped forward but quickly stepped back upon seeing Ye Zhengchen inside in his white coat, which looked so incongruous against the dark, gloomy night.
I looked at him deeply, feeling a sense of longing. We were just a step away, yet I could only watch as the elevator doors began to close. He quickly pressed the “open door” button, revealing expectation in his eyes.
Neither of us moved, maintaining our stance. I glanced at the black seagull watch on his wrist, its second hand ticking. I secretly tugged at my sleeve behind my back.
Time stood still until the elevator’s warning sound rang out, piercing five times… then he let go of his hand.
The heavy door closed between us, like a fate that would never open again.
Tears fell as I covered my face, overwhelmed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go in; I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control myself from telling him: I miss him! I want to hold him, even if just for a second.
The elevator opened again. I lowered my hand and walked in. By the time I saw him standing there, it was too late – too late to get out, too late to wipe my tears, and too late to cover the white watch on my wrist.
I retreated to the innermost corner, head down, standing against the wall. The elevator descended, and my heart sank with it.
“Does your foot still hurt?” he asked, expressionless. “It doesn’t hurt anymore,” I answered, equally expressionless.
The elevator doors opened. I ran out quickly. He caught up. “It’s too late. Let me take you back.” “No need.” “What if…” “Don’t worry, I won’t meet anyone worse than you.” I walked past him to the door.
Through the translucent glass, I could vaguely see his shadow still standing there, watching my back.
I bit my lip, clenched my fist, and couldn’t help turning back. We stood face to face, less than two meters apart.
The warm summer wind squeezed through the door crack, drying the moisture on my face.
Senior brother, you forgot to take off your white coat.
After saying that, I pushed open the door and ran into the black night.
I rode my bicycle slowly, with his bike following behind me, hoping this road would never end. The road won’t end, and neither will the pain.
On the weekend, Ye Zhengchen stayed in, and I suddenly didn’t want to go to the lab. I hugged my blanket and lay on the bed, quietly listening to the sounds from across the room. I heard urgent typing on the keyboard and his phone ring.
