“The first time I saw her, before I even knew her name, I was already imagining spending my entire life with her,” Xu Chengan stopped, lowering his eyes to look at Chen Jing, his gaze soft: “Ran-jie, do you know? I thought then that if she would love me, I’d be willing to die immediately.”
“But then I thought, what if I died and she married someone else?” At this point, Xu Chengan’s eyes darkened: “Just imagining her laughing and chatting with other men, hugging and kissing after my death, I’d become so furious I wanted to kill someone.”
After saying this, he nervously looked into her eyes. Not seeing disgust or fear, he breathed a sigh of relief, and his love deepened.
“Ran-jie, it was you.”
Chen Jing asked him: “If you liked me so much, why didn’t you confess back then?”
Xu Chengan’s expression changed slightly. After a long silence, he finally spoke: “At the time, a roommate who was close to you told me that you had already declared you wouldn’t find a boyfriend during all four years of college.”
“Was that roommate Song Na?”
Xu Chengan nodded. The woman’s words had left him devastated for an entire month, so he remembered clearly.
“Tsk.”
Chen Jing looked utterly speechless: “Whatever you told her, she always looked down on me. Of course she’d stop you if you said you wanted to pursue me.”
Xu Chengan’s breath caught, his heartbeat suddenly accelerating: “What if, without that woman, I had confessed to you – would you have agreed?
“Depends on the situation,” Chen Jing gave an answer with plenty of room for imagination. She laughed: “No wonder I always thought you were a bit strange back then, constantly staring at me with such intense, hungry eyes. I thought I’d done something wrong to offend you. So it was because you had a crush on me.”
Xu Chengan nodded: “I did indeed want to devour you.”
Chen Jing: “Hm?”
Engrossed in their conversation, they had walked quite far. The surroundings were now deserted, with dense tree shadows. After speaking, Xu Chengan pushed her, and Chen Jing stepped back two paces, her back against a tree trunk, which was slightly uncomfortable.
Xu Chengan’s arm wedged in, perfectly blocking her back, his entire body pressing close, aggressively biting her lips. Whispering intimately, he sniffed and spoke in a slightly tearful voice: “What should I do, Shen Ran? I’m so miserable.”
Chen Jing, who was bleeding from her lip for the first time due to his intensity: “…”
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Xu Chengan said sadly: “Do you think I’m stupid?”
“Not stupid,” to prevent him from overthinking and causing counterproductive effects, Chen Jing quickly touched his face, softly comforting: “In my heart, you’re the smartest.”
Xu Cheng’an’s mood was low: “Don’t comfort me anymore, it’s my fault. If I weren’t so stupid, we would have been together long ago.”
“Not necessarily…”
Xu Cheng’an remained silent, his heart heavy. He struggled to find the right words but each attempt seemed more futile than the last. The distance between them felt insurmountable, and his sense of desperation deepened with each passing second.
Chen Jing sighed, recognizing his turmoil but unsure of how to comfort him. “You need to stop overthinking everything. This isn’t just about us.”
She stepped back further, her gaze firm yet distant. “It’s complicated. I don’t want to hurt you, but we can’t keep circling around this either.”
Xu Cheng’an swallowed hard, wrestling with his emotions. “What do you want from me then? Just to pretend? To act like none of this happened?”
Chen Jing shook her head slowly. “Not pretending… just understanding that sometimes love isn’t enough.”
Xu Cheng’an’s heart dropped at her words. Claustrophobically heavy silence enveloped them. He wanted to reach out again, to bridge the growing chasm, but fear held him back.
“Chen Jing could barely bear to see his aggrieved look: ‘Crying won’t solve anything.’
‘I know.’ Xu Cheng’an nodded repeatedly, holding back his tears, timidly extending his hand towards her: ‘I’ll listen to you, just don’t be angry, okay?’
Chen Jing didn’t refuse this time; when Xu Cheng’an grabbed her hand, his expression suddenly collapsed.
He clutched her tightly, crouching down, tears flowing uncontrollably, accusing her: ‘We just got our marriage certificate, and you’re treating me like this.’
Chen Jing was stunned, words stuck in her throat, unable to say a word.
Xu Cheng’an crouched on the ground crying, almost passing out, his pale gray face looking like he was about to be killed by her.
Chen Jing, scared by him, quickly crouched down to hug him, apologizing and softly coaxing.
During this time, Xu Cheng’an kept making demands, and Chen Jing kept nodding, agreeing to everything, but her mind was full of his tears.
‘I won’t change it,’ she repeated.
‘Are you not angry anymore?’ Xu Cheng’an asked carefully.”
Actually, what he really wanted to ask was whether she would still kiss his eyes like she just did if he cried again in the future. Xu Chengan thought that if she would comfort him like this every time, he definitely wouldn’t be so sad.
“Not angry,” Chen Jing lightly splashed some water on his shoulder. She curved her lips and promised: “I won’t be angry with you again.” Xu Chengan raised his lips and laughed happily. The two took a shower together, dried their hair, and changed into bathrobes. The long night, another intimate dream…
The next morning, the newlyweds had to separate and go to their respective companies for work.
Chen Jing drove to wait for him downstairs after getting off work, and didn’t send a text message to avoid disturbing his work.
As a result, she fell asleep leaning on the steering wheel because she was too tired from last night. Xu Chengan didn’t know she was there and went directly home after work. When he didn’t find her and couldn’t reach her by phone, he thought she had left and almost called the police, his face turning pale. Fortunately, Chen Jing’s car was not parked properly and blocked someone, so she was honked awake. Seeing the time and missed calls, her heart sank, and she quickly returned the call. Xu Chengan cried on the other end: “You said you would wait for me at home, you didn’t keep your word!”
Chen Jing quickly explained, hearing the crying on the other end gradually subside, finally breathing a sigh of relief, gently coaxing: “Be good and wait at home, don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right there.” Xu Chengan sniffled a few times, aggrievedly responding with an “mm”, and didn’t forget to remind her: “Don’t drive too fast, drive safely.” Knowing she didn’t run away behind his back, Xu Chengan’s heart, which had been suspended, finally settled down, and he began to focus on her safety. Chen Jing laughed and said okay.
