“Later, our frequent physical encounters. I was sad; your reactions, your words, all suggested you were doing it to humiliate me. But secretly, I hoped that your persistent involvement might mean you had a slight liking for me, even if just for my body. To lessen my physical pain and to fulfill my own secret desires, I awkwardly tried to please you in bed, begging for even a little of your affection.”
“I met Tian Tian, and I had a friend. During those days we spent together, I often hoped that the person beside me, the one asking me to cook, taking me out, sharing joys and sorrows, could be you.”
“Because of Ji Shan, you once again broke my heart at Jinshui International. I knew if you had even a shred of affection for me, you wouldn’t have treated me like Cheng Yu did. I was heartbroken. I envied Liu Yi so much; I often told myself if you could treat me half as well as you treated her, I’d be content. I knew if it were Liu Yi, you would never allow anyone else to touch her, even Cheng Yu. So, I was deeply saddened. I reminded myself daily of this fact, knowing well that if I let myself fall for you, it would be my doom, but evidently, it had no effect.”
“Later, when you said because of Liu Yi’s fake pregnancy that you would never let your child be illegitimate, it was just to prepare me for divorce. But from then on, I started to fantasize, hoping we could have a child, a child of ours, not to keep our marriage together, but because I believed you would be a good father, that you would love our baby dearly. I never received fatherly love, so I wanted my child to have it. I also longed to see you loving our child; I was crazily eager to see that.”
“Back then, whenever Cheng Yu and I were together, I started secretly taking medication. I didn’t even dare to think about the possibility that you might not want our child.”
