I moved a chair and sat several meters away, racking my brain to find a conversation topic.
“Do you have poison attacks every year? It must be very painful!” I finally squeezed out a nonsensical statement, one that made me want to roll my eyes. But I continued to desperately find topics because I saw the fire of desire in his eyes was beginning to be covered by a layer of murky gray.
“If Qiu hadn’t left this time, it wouldn’t have become like this. That’s what you’re thinking, right! Actually, when I saw you, I never thought about saving you. Because that was the day Qiu abandoned me. I thought I had finally found a relative, that he wouldn’t abandon me in an orphanage like my parents did, that he would always be by my side as he said. But everything was just what I thought – I was actually dreaming. When I looked at the empty room, I realized that Ran Yan’er was always destined to be alone, would never have relatives – never.”
I kept speaking, kept venting, but was surprised to find his eyes had not continued to sink, just quietly watching me.
“I don’t belong to this world, but I won’t give up. Even if life is extremely exhausting, I will continue to live. I have always been alone, in the past, now, and in the future. Without Xiu, without Xiao Wu, without Meng Xin, there’s only me. I will live on, even if it’s tiring, even if I selfishly sacrifice everything, because this is what the world owes me.”
I have nothing left, only this life.” I said calmly, no longer looking into his eyes, more like making a promise to myself than speaking to him.
Chapter Twelve: Antidote (2)
Xiao Wu is still someone worth protecting, but no longer someone I depend on. Xiu was once my family, someone who made me feel cared for and cherished, but he has left.
The person lying on the ground has stopped struggling and fallen into a coma. I haven’t gone to check, continuing to speak quietly. I understand that even if I went forward, I couldn’t save him and would only sacrifice myself in vain. Perhaps he’s just lying there with his eyes closed, listening to me.
