I never believed this statement. If both parties are in pain, why continue this torture? It was obviously a deliberate lie he fabricated to cover up the fact that he was enjoying himself while I was in unbearable pain. The most despicable part was that after everything ended, he stared bitterly at the blood on the bed, with a pained expression, as if the blood had come from his own body.
Fortunately, after our wedding night, he never requested to have intercourse again and soon moved to live in his own study. I was relieved not to endure such torture anymore.
However, today, he was drunk and unexpectedly returned to the bedroom, wrapped his arm around my waist, and helped me onto the bed.
I was somewhat resistant, but I knew it wasn’t good to disappoint him and cool down our recently warmed marital relationship. So I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and obediently let him support himself on his arms above me, licking here and there like a kitten, occasionally gently biting.
Compared to our wedding night, he seemed more patient this time. But his hair brushing against my neck made me itchy, and I couldn’t help but laugh twice. When he was close, I could feel him lift his head, his warm lips falling near my ear, softly calling twice. “Little demon, little demon.”
I mumbled in response. He hugged my shoulders and murmured, “You are mine, my wife. No one can take you away.”
“No one will take me away,” I comforted him, my heart softening as I reached out to hug his waist. “Zhuo Yi, let’s have a child.”
His body seemed to stiffen, and he stopped moving. I opened my eyes and saw him supporting himself above me, his eyes incredibly bright.
“Why?”
Why? I want to know why too! Could I say that I, once again, impulsively just wanted to bear a child for him?
Feeling frustrated, I casually found an excuse. “Father gave me the jade tablet and gold proclamation today. Thank you.”
Discussing this on the bed seemed quite inappropriate.
Sure enough, he laughed, his tone unreadable. “Just because of those few pieces of paper, you want to bear a child for me? This doesn’t sound like you.”
“No, father said—” I swallowed, trying to remember his father’s words. “He said they’re waiting to hold a grandchild—”
He didn’t speak. I suddenly had an ominous feeling.
Indeed, his hand holding my shoulder grew tighter, digging into my flesh. I was in some pain but didn’t dare to make a sound.
“Xiao Yao, you’re still the same as before,” his tone turned cold, hiding anger. “Heartless, heartless! What is your heart made of? You’re so compliant with a word from your parents, but what about me? Have you ever treated me like a husband?”
His words were contradictory, disconnected, very unlike his usually meticulous thinking, clearly showing he was truly angry. I didn’t expect this sentence would affect him so deeply. Just as I was about to explain, he suddenly got up and left, sweeping his sleeve.
The surroundings suddenly became very cold. I sighed, pulled the cotton quilt over and curled up.
This was how we got along. Every time we seemed to be approaching a harmonious atmosphere, some discordant elements would always emerge to destroy the mood.
He had a knot in his heart, one I had tied myself. When I tied it, I never thought this knot would one day become my own problem.
After I turned thirteen, I began painting beauties for the Shai Yue Studio, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. It became my career. Behind these beauties were always numerous pursuers. Most beauties maintained an aloof and dignified appearance on the surface, but in reality, they moved freely among these pursuers, enjoying fleeting romances.
And these pursuers were mostly like wandering bees and butterflies, many simultaneously chasing multiple targets.
I had seen too many examples of those who swore eternal love to one person yesterday, but today were sending flirtatious glances to another. I had seen too many faces that seemed deeply passionate in the moment, only to turn cold the next. Gradually, I became somewhat detached about love and romance. My beautiful adolescent years were spent becoming a stubborn, unromantic old ginger.
Without fantasies about love’s beauty, I considered marriage very practically. Although I earned some money from painting, it was barely enough to cover our family’s basic expenses. My older brother needed to get married, my younger sister needed to be married off, and each required money. I also had to help my mother repay gambling debts. At fifteen, when I came of age, I decided to marry into a wealthy family to support my family in the future.
It was around this time that An Jin, blushing, brought a package of sugar cakes to confess to me, asking if I would marry him.
After seriously considering for a day, I returned the sugar cakes and told him I wanted to marry a rich man.
An Jin’s face turned pale, standing blankly on the small path between our families, looking pitiful.
I felt guilty. If I had known earlier that he had been waiting to marry me, I would have discouraged him much earlier. So I comforted him, “With your looks, you’ll definitely find a lady from a good family. Don’t waste time on me.”
He looked at me with a gaze that instantly turned to hatred. The poor bag of pastries was crushed to pieces, eventually ending up in some dog’s stomach.
We thus formed a grudge, becoming completely estranged. Later, I had a few romantic encounters, but unfortunately, they all withered midway. Eventually, I remained unmarried until the age of eighteen, when he came to propose.
We became a pair of resentful spouses.
Chapter Four: A Harmonious Household
After An Jin became a deputy minister of personnel, the An family did not move to a new residence, but continued to live in their ancestral mansion, adjacent to my family. My father-in-law encouraged me to visit home often, and my mother-in-law turned a blind eye to this. An Jin had been absent for several days. Given these circumstances, I continued to happily return to my parents’ home.
Mother was not at the gambling house but obediently sitting in the courtyard under the west-facing crabapple tree, doing needlework.
Since the incident when my elder brother was imprisoned, she had restrained herself, reducing her gambling house visits from daily to once every three days, staying for only one hour and never carrying more than five taels of silver, which greatly relieved my brother and me. Seeing me enter with packages of snacks and gifts, she quickly put down her work and came to meet me, taking the items from my hands and saying, “Why did you bring so much back?”
I was surprised. Previously, when I returned home, she would be overjoyed and subtly hint at the family’s financial difficulties. This time, she seemed to care about my well-being, which was unusual.
I examined her. “Are you really my mother?”
Mother put the items down and gave me a knock on the head. “Silly girl! Can’t you recognize your own mother?!”
I felt relieved and pulled out a bank note, stuffing it into her hand. “This is money for my brother’s marriage and my younger sister’s dowry. Please keep it safe and don’t go to the gambling house anymore.”
Mother looked at the bank note, hesitating, seemingly engaged in an internal struggle. After the struggle, she gritted her teeth and pushed the note back into my hand. “Yao’er, you don’t need to bring money home anymore. Although your husband and in-laws are kind, they might have opinions over time. Your parents will take care of your brother and sister’s matters. You should focus more on your husband.”
