“You washed all my clothes. Are you trying to keep me here?” … That’s exactly why I came out here, otherwise, why would I leave home? “Every time there’s a problem, you just run away!” … “Mommy, he’s scolding you.” “I know.” “If I were you, I wouldn’t stand for it.” I looked at him in surprise, as he provocatively teased Qi Yufeng with a pout. When did my son become so clever! “Liu Yixia, how did you teach this child!” Qi Yufeng stared at Er Yu in disbelief. “Don’t you dare be mean to my mommy!” Er Yu ran up to him, grabbing the towel around his waist in a threatening manner. “Do you dare?” Without another word, Er Yu pulled, exposing Qi Yufeng, who I embraced in excitement, moved to tears. “My son, you truly are the apple of my eye!”
“Mommy, I don’t want pasta today.” “Okay, Mommy will cook rice.” Meanwhile, the victim was still looking at his towel. “You… you have guts!”
On the way back, Er Yu fell asleep. Qi Yufeng awkwardly carried him. The afternoon sun was still overly bright, scorching their backs. Sometimes, I think about how happy I am at this moment, as if the vast world had shrunk to just three people, a small path, two trees, a little house ahead – my home, and the waves crashing behind, with tiny grains of sand sticking to our toes as we walked, all of us treading carefully, everything so quiet.
After settling Er Yu, I carried a basket of clothes to the garden to dry. Suddenly, there was a snap behind me. Turning around, I saw Qi Yufeng had opened a can of Coke. He leaned against the door frame, casually licking the Coke dripping down his wrist, drops falling from his half-wet hair, sliding down his forehead, neck, and strong, tanned chest, leaving only a faint water mark…
“Ha, you think you’re in an ad?” Uh-oh… he’s looking at me… did he hear that? Oh dear, if I don’t speak, no one will think I’m mute, but he caught me blushing and my heart racing, how embarrassing…
Feeling a chilling cold on my back, he pressed against me, can and all, nearly making me jump. He held me in place, teasing with the cold can, laughing as we ran around. I threatened, “When it’s not cold anymore, you’re on your own! You’ll dry the clothes yourself!” “You mean those clothes? Let them be, I’ll stay a few more days and take you back.” He said he’d take me back…
I kept laughing, playing along, pretending not to hear, until I laughed like a fool, and his face turned serious, his voice low and resentful. “I’ve always had the ability to get what I want, to protect what I want to protect, but you never believe in me. Sometimes, I feel like you see me as a burden, wishing I would disappear forever! But why do I still want to do foolish things for you? With all those women in the past, I know I was bad, but I care about your gaze, I really do! Even if I’ve restrained, changed, given, you don’t care at all! I just want you to see… but you won’t look…”
Looking at his restrained face, my heart turned cold. His fingers gently brushed under my eyes, his gaze becoming distant… “It seems you’ve always been running away. Do you remember when you first came to me, you were running away. When did you stop wanting to think about anything? Was it too tiring in the past, so you don’t want to face problems or emotions anymore? Then don’t think about it, can’t you leave it to me? I just want to be in your eyes! You run towards me! That’s enough! Is it that hard?”
I didn’t know what my expression was at that moment, but it left him looking so powerless and disappointed. He let me go and returned to the house, leaving behind, “Answer me tomorrow.” I turned back to continue drying the clothes. Yes, when did I start not wanting to think about anything?
In the kitchen, I was busy cooking. When I came out, I found Qi Yufeng asleep on the sofa, just in a towel, without even covering himself with a blanket… “Dinner’s ready. Wake him up, you can use any method you like.” Er Yu, upon hearing this, immediately climbed onto the sofa and got to work. When I had everything ready and came out again, Er Yu was still sitting on Qi Yufeng, sweating and pouting at me, “Mom, uncle’s out, I just gave him CPR, and he didn’t even thank me.”
“Why do you always go around giving people artificial respiration? Last time on the beach, that girl was just sunbathing and fell asleep, and you climbed on her again!”
“I see the lifeguard uncle does it all the time, and when those girls wake up, they even thank him!”
“But the lifeguard uncle isn’t even a bit fat~”
“I’m not fat either!”
“Have you guys argued enough?” A weak voice sounded as Qi Yufeng, unable to bear it any longer, opened his eyes.
“It’s time to eat.”
“You guys go ahead, I’m going to sleep in my room…” As he spoke, he slowly stood up, but the moment he straightened, he closed his eyes and fell heavily, half his body on the sofa with a tendency to slide off. I quickly blocked him. What’s going on… But, he’s so hot…
“What’s wrong…” I was at a loss, talking to myself, never having thought that this man would also have a moment of collapse, right in front of me, as if I had personally killed him…
“Mom…”
“It’s okay, you eat first, manage on your own, be good~” I forced a smile at Er Yu, my thoughts quickly cooling down… I touched his forehead, then mine, he must have a high fever. I brought out the medicine box, found the thermometer, and put it in his mouth… That brief wait stretched out my entire life…
I’ll never forget the night we moved in, Er Yu’s crying, and my own… I didn’t know how high his fever was that day, I had nothing, not even a phone installed, couldn’t find anyone, holding him, I ran outside, but where could one find a car at such a late hour? So, I stood at the door, crying fiercely with him, my heart racing, helpless, my mind blank at that moment, but I knew I might face a permanent loss, I would be alone again, no one would come to save me…
Since I knew there was no salvation, why did I still naively hope? I shut up and restrained myself, turning back inside, only thinking of how to cool him down… The previous owner left only large appliances, a TV, and a fridge, with a few cans of Coke inside. So, I stripped Er Yu of his clothes, placed him on the cold marble coffee table, then ran to open the fridge, there were three cans, I put one in the freezer compartment, and took out the other two, rolling them over Er Yu’s body, then stopping at his forehead and chest, and even made him drink one of the bottles. Watching them still steaming, I knew he was uncomfortable, his hands and feet kept rubbing, spitting out the Coke, crying until my insides felt like they were being wrung out, a taste that remains fresh forever…
I never intended to tell anyone, so when Qi Yufeng asked why the fridge was full of canned drinks, I always brushed it off. To express a helplessness that words can’t describe? It’s like drawing neat squares on my heart, cutting them out one by one, but the listener can’t see, they might comfort you, saying it’s all in the past, everything’s fine now, but I don’t want comfort, I just want to lock it all inside me, all mine, even if it breaks, it can only shatter within my body, until the day I die, when even the air becomes so light, what else could turn to dust?
At midnight, his fever finally broke, I went to the room, brought a thick quilt to cover him, so he wouldn’t catch a cold again. He just had a fever of 39.7 degrees, almost reaching 40, maybe his brain got fried, but I could take care of him. Like a little kitten, obediently listening to me, from now on, he won’t be able to bully me.
“It’s so hot…”
