Dealing with Tigers

The first time, we both lay quietly in bed. He turned around, pulling me into his embrace, my back against his chest. I was very nervous, but he laughed, gently kissing the back of my neck. “Silly girl, don’t worry. Our first time will happen on our wedding night, following the most sacred and complete sequence: getting to know each other, falling in love, waiting, the wedding, union, new life, nurturing, unity, lifelong companionship… I want to give you the best… We’ll both wait for each other, okay?” You always overwhelm me so effortlessly; I’ve knocked down my dams and built the highest tower for you with them. Sit obediently on top, don’t get hurt, don’t get tainted by the dust, okay? Just keep talking… “I just want to hold you like this now, and when I wake up, I want to see you still in my arms, every day…” I cried. He wouldn’t know because he was asleep. I carefully turned over, kissing his hairline, eyebrows, and eyes… I whispered into his ear, “Believe it or not, I really love you. You are my prince, and I only want to marry you, so you must take me away to the castle on your island. You’ll hold me and fall asleep quietly every day, I’ll give you a kiss, then lie in your arms waiting for you to wake up and see me, until the day we die, understand? Can you hear me talking in your dreams?” I prayed that the Lord would send this long sentence into his dreams when he was unhappy. But our happiness was shattered, some fragments lost forever, no matter how frantically we tried to mend it, it was dead. On the night Ke Xun graduated, he told me he was going back to his country. That night, he held me tightly; I felt his tears on my neck. He said he didn’t want to go back; he thought he could escape, but both his brothers had died, and he had to return to take over the family business, a life he didn’t want… He was in pain, I knew. It was the first time he cried in front of me, and I wanted to cry too, but I absolutely couldn’t now, it would only add to his burden. I turned around, hugging him tightly so he wouldn’t see my teary, red eyes. “Don’t be afraid, life isn’t set in stone, you can change it. Maybe you’re forced to take over the business, but you can still pursue your dreams in your spare time, right? This way, you won’t have time to stray, which isn’t bad either~ Three years from now, I’ll graduate and come find you, and then we can be like this again.” “I allow you to slack off every day to miss me, and our island and castle. I’ll wait for you to build it, for your proposal, I’ll wait forever! So, your task is quite heavy.” I tried to look at him, but he pressed me against his chest, “It’s okay, go to sleep.” In front of a woman, a man’s tears are the most restrained. I remembered a line, “Seeing you try to smile, my heart feels as damp as the rain about to come.” Looking back now, I was too naive then; reality never allows such naivety. Perhaps that night, Ke Xun had already realized this, which is why he cried.