“Achoo!” I let out a loud sneeze, frustrated. What situation was this? People sneeze for three reasons—catching a cold, being spoken ill of, or someone thinking about them.
“Han, are you sick?” Shang asked, a hint of anxiety on his brow. I quickly shook my head, “No, no! You’re overthinking!” He didn’t listen, instead putting down his pen, standing up, and placing his hand on my forehead.
My heart was racing, unaccustomed to his gentleness. By reflex, I pushed his hand away: “I told you, it’s nothing.” I felt guilty, not daring to look at him, lowering my head to pretend to be focused on polishing the ingots. Why was he being so kind? Could he really like men? No way?!
Shang seemed disappointed, sitting back in his chair to continue reviewing memorials. I felt the room grow cold, the distance between us widening, my heart overflowing with an unprecedented sense of guilt. Could I have hurt him? Maybe I misunderstood him?
(Alas… this is all the moon’s fault!)
This matter has become so complicated! Our relationship, our distance, and the ongoing stalemate… It’s painful.
[Volume One: Encounter – Chapter Six: Father’s Visit.]
Our relationship remained strained for several days. We barely spoke; he wrote, and I polished. During the morning court today, I stood beside Shang and saw my father making eye signals at me, which embarrassed me. What was he doing?
After the court, my father followed the Emperor into the study. Along the way, he continued with exaggerated gestures. After the Emperor sat, my father pulled me to sit, and we sat in silence for a long time.
Shang then stood up: “Han, since your father is here, you two should spend time together. I’ll go for a walk.” After he left, my father clasped my hand: “Han’er, I heard from the Emperor that you’re sick. Do you still feel unwell? Want to take some time off and go back home to recuperate?”
“Father…!” I interrupted him. I just sneezed; was this necessary? “Han’er, you should quit this job! The palace is complex and treacherous.”
With no one to serve you, your father worries about whether you’re eating or keeping warm. Our family isn’t short of money. Come back to the mansion with me!” His eyes were full of reluctance.
