If she were less shy, perhaps she would not be so afraid of strangers. However, the experiences of being forcibly dragged to parties by her husband years ago had only scared her more, making her even more fearful of crowds. Tang Hua had tried very hard, but only achieved the opposite effect, because he always judged others by his own standards, believing that what was simple for him should be equally easy for others. But he was wrong; his overly aggressive attempts to guide her only made her see him as the sole villain in the world.
She felt sorry for hurting him. But upon self-reflection, even though she could now dare to step out the door and was willing to leave her self-imposed isolation, it did not mean she could interact with people. Perhaps she was shy, or feared being hurt by strangers, or more likely, her inherent nature was so introverted that she could never enjoy or want to try joining crowds.
Yesterday’s trip to Taipei gave her many feelings, momentarily difficult to untangle. But perhaps that deep, long kiss made her toss and turn sleeplessly, despite her body being exhausted from traveling. He… kissed her… with the same gentleness as before, careful not to hurt her. Initially, she found it painful, not understanding why lips should touch, but yesterday’s kiss… she could now more profoundly feel a trace of tenderness and pain.
Now, the pain was no longer visible between his brows, but it was present in the photographs. At that time, he was very unhappy, and sometimes when she would wake in the middle of the night and catch him gazing at her deeply, she would quickly pretend to be asleep, not daring to move.
Was divorce the best compensation and liberation for him? Had she done something right?
Flipping to the last page of the album, some scrawled words appeared. It was a poem to cool the burning memories To extinguish those brilliant, radiant hopes I have nothing to resent In this world, there are many abandoned fates, abandoned hearts In the process of seeking Nothing is truly within my grasp Including happiness and sorrow Including happiness
These were Xie Murong’s words, slightly modified to suit her own state of mind. She stared blankly, tears rolling down her cheeks for an inexplicable heartache.
