Of course, he didn’t even dare hope she would change her mind and attend their son’s first-year celebration. More than a year of marriage had ground his ambitions to ashes, and external achievements couldn’t erase the fact of his failed marriage.
A once vibrant man falling hard in marriage, not yet mature enough to face everything, could only move towards coldness. He couldn’t bear to verbally hurt her too much, only occasionally making sarcastic remarks when extremely frustrated before slamming the door. Without even shouting, he’d already terrify her to near death, causing her to avoid and fear him more, until this avoidance became an unbearable humiliation in his life. He finally left Taichung, mostly residing in Taipei, rarely returning, and even when he did, they slept in separate rooms.
At the time, he coldly threw out a mocking line: “As you wish,” before taking his son and completely leaving her life and sight.
Unable to cope with her parents’ successive deaths, her only thought was relief, that the “bad person” had finally left, because she felt constantly bullied by him. Years later, looking at the photo and reflecting on his depressed expression… could it be that she, who was so terrified she only wanted to die, had also hurt him?
This was hard to understand, but the him in the photograph truly made her think this way.
She was a selfish woman, spending most of her life passively waiting for others’ provisions, then only distinguishing whether their efforts were good or bad, kind or evil. She had never considered that her own words and actions might be hurting others. She once thought it impossible, that she couldn’t hurt anyone, after all, she did nothing, right?
But she was wrong. If others’ heartfelt efforts were met with her indifference, it was already a severe injury. Now she finally understood this principle, so seeing the man who should have been mysterious and spirited looking lonely in the photograph, her heart tightened, aching for the unintentional harm she had caused.
There are many ways to live, but they can’t escape interpersonal relationships’ interactions and feedback. But certainly no one was as passive as her, just waiting for others to be good or bad to her, only needing to feel her own likes and dislikes to get by.
In recent days traveling with Du Feifan, she was always amazed by her actions. She was assertive and proactive, not caring whether her efforts were appreciated; she was so domineering she almost made others retreat. Many of her behaviors seemed inappropriate and difficult to others in Xiao Su Su’s eyes, perhaps even wrong or excessive. But Du Feifan didn’t care, she would brazenly say:
“With so many people in the world, how can I care about their sensitive, easily hurt hearts? I only do what I think is right and enjoyable, regardless of what others say. As for the ‘good deeds’ others see, I don’t think anything of them, it just happens to match my interests. I like finding rich people to squeeze money from, so I don’t care if those helped thank me. Because helping people isn’t my intention; I just enjoy digging into others’ money.”
Such a self-centered, arrogant person, even if others disapproved, Du Feifan could still be content.
If she were less shy, perhaps she would not be so afraid of strangers. However, the experiences of being forcibly dragged to parties by her husband years ago had only scared her more, making her even more fearful of crowds. Tang Hua had tried very hard, but only achieved the opposite effect, because he always judged others by his own standards, believing that what was simple for him should be equally easy for others. But he was wrong; his overly aggressive attempts to guide her only made her see him as the sole villain in the world.
She felt sorry for hurting him. But upon self-reflection, even though she could now dare to step out the door and was willing to leave her self-imposed isolation, it did not mean she could interact with people. Perhaps she was shy, or feared being hurt by strangers, or more likely, her inherent nature was so introverted that she could never enjoy or want to try joining crowds.
Yesterday’s trip to Taipei gave her many feelings, momentarily difficult to untangle. But perhaps that deep, long kiss made her toss and turn sleeplessly, despite her body being exhausted from traveling. He… kissed her… with the same gentleness as before, careful not to hurt her. Initially, she found it painful, not understanding why lips should touch, but yesterday’s kiss… she could now more profoundly feel a trace of tenderness and pain.
Now, the pain was no longer visible between his brows, but it was present in the photographs. At that time, he was very unhappy, and sometimes when she would wake in the middle of the night and catch him gazing at her deeply, she would quickly pretend to be asleep, not daring to move.
Was divorce the best compensation and liberation for him? Had she done something right?
Flipping to the last page of the album, some scrawled words appeared. It was a poem to cool the burning memories To extinguish those brilliant, radiant hopes I have nothing to resent In this world, there are many abandoned fates, abandoned hearts In the process of seeking Nothing is truly within my grasp Including happiness and sorrow Including happiness
These were Xie Murong’s words, slightly modified to suit her own state of mind. She stared blankly, tears rolling down her cheeks for an inexplicable heartache.
If she wondered about her capacity to hurt others, now she knew. Her heart ached, ached so deeply…
Every Christmas Eve was also the Tang clan’s family gathering. Over three generations, with marriage alliances, it had gradually become a large gathering. Where there are people, there are business opportunities, and many business people were happy to join, so the Tang family’s Christmas party had become an indispensable event in high society.
Because Tang men traditionally died young, their partners had to be capable women who could hold up half the sky. They didn’t necessarily need business acumen, but absolutely required social skills to be a competent and thorough hostess, able to handle various details independently, preventing her husband from worrying about family and clan relationships.
Tang Hua’s branch, having held the clan leadership position for three generations and been most successful, had become the clan’s leaders, with all internal and external affairs managed by the hostess.
Therefore, Tang’s mother had never approved of her son marrying Xiao Susu from the beginning. Based on external considerations, she was certain that such an incredibly introverted woman could never fulfill the role of a Tang daughter-in-law. But seeing her son was already madly in love, she didn’t say much more. Tang’s mother had always doted on her son and naturally respected his choice.
However, her impression of her daughter-in-law was reserved. The only condition for accepting Susu was that she made her son happy. But after seven years of marriage, her once passionate and lively son had become an introverted, unhappy man. As a mother, how could she not feel heartache seeing this?
My parents went abroad and sent my older brother’s family to show support. “Hey, handsome guy, don’t have a dance partner tonight? How about I introduce my chubby niece to you?” He teased Tang Xueqian, who was sitting quietly.
“Uncle Shi, I’m still young and don’t need a dance partner.”
“That’s right! He is mine!” An abrupt possessive tone interrupted them, coming from Du Feifan, who was holding a mountain-like pointed food.
“Who are you?” Shi Zhongcheng found her somewhat familiar.
“Aunt Du?” Tang Xueqian’s steady tone added several points of surprise.
