Matriarchal Desires

Xiao Lian walked with a bundle on his back through the snowy landscape, looking around at the snow-covered ground, unable to recognize the path. His footprints were already covered by snow, making it impossible to retrace his steps. Feeling discouraged, he sat down in the snow, blankly gazing at the landscape. Panic welled up inside him as he realized he was alone in this freezing, desolate place.

The north wind blew snow around him, and Xiao Lian shivered, burying his head and sobbing, feeling even the snow was bullying him.

When Jin Yu found him, he was sitting in the snow, head buried between his knees, softly crying for her. He trembled in the cold wind, his clothes damp from melting snow. Jin Yu furrowed her brow, then softened, walking slowly towards him.

Xiao Lian looked up with a tear-stained face, wiping his tears upon seeing her. He cried out and threw himself into her arms, pushing his icy hands into her clothing to warm them.

Feeling his cold body, Jin Yu removed her cloak and wrapped it around him. “Let’s go back.”

Xiao Lian wiped his face, rubbing the remaining tears on her clothing, his voice choked, “I don’t want to go back…”

Jin Yu rubbed his cold hands and looked at his frozen state with complex emotions. “Let’s go back together. Stop causing trouble.”

Despite Jin Yu’s gentle voice, Xiao Lian cried again, feeling numb and exhausted. He pushed his reddened hands into Jin Yu’s embrace, plaintively saying, “I can’t walk. Carry me…” Without this, he would just lie down and freeze.

Jin Yu stroked his hair, crouching before Xiao Lian. “Climb on.”

Xiao Lian stared in surprise, unsure how a woman could carry him, especially since even her brother never did. Sensing his hesitation, Jin Yu sighed, “Didn’t you want me to carry you? Are you coming or not?”

Xiao Lian quickly climbed on, fearing Jin Yu might change her mind.

When Su Xi saw Jin Yu carrying Xiao Lian, he hurried to check on Xiao Lian’s condition. However, Yun Mei stopped him, saying, “The wife will come over. The ground is slippery, let’s wait here.”

Su Xi glanced at her, worry etched on his face as he watched the two approach through the snow. Jin Yu put Xiao Lian down, revealing shivering from the cold. Su Xi rubbed his hands and placed a warm stove in his embrace, while Yun Mei draped a cloak over Jin Yu, showing her concern.

Xu Yi wanted to hand them the warm stove, but it was pitch black, and nothing could be seen, only voices heard. Her hand holding the warm stove slightly trembled.

Anxious, Xu Yi turned her unfocused gaze toward the voices. Suddenly, a glimmer appeared in the darkness, then several blurry shadows. Xu Yi’s body trembled, dropping the warm stove in shock. Jin Yu heard the sound and looked at Xu Yi, seeing her small body trembling, panicked and at a loss. He quickly went over, held her to sit aside, checked if she was injured, and asked, “Are you feeling unwell?”

Xu Yi’s body was still trembling, her tiny frame nestling into Jin Yu’s embrace. “I saw, I saw…”

“What did you see?” Jin Yu gently stroked her panicked face.

Tears welled in Xu Yi’s eyes as she shook her head, desperately clutching Jin Yu’s clothing. “Don’t leave me, don’t, I can’t be without you…”

“I won’t leave,” Jin Yu comforted. Xu Yi felt his concern but was overwhelmed with guilt and self-blame. She felt useless, unable to bear a child for her wife, and wondered if her wife would leave her if she knew she could vaguely see some scenery.

Seeing Xu Yi gradually calm down, Jin Yu was relieved and instructed the servants to prepare bathwater. He picked up Xiao Lian and walked to his room, saying, “Let him bathe first.”

Xiao Lian, too cold to feel shy, wanted to immerse himself in warm water. Once in the hot water, he felt warmth flow into his heart, spreading throughout his trembling body. Though warm, tears continued to fall, knowing she would never be with her again.

Xu Yi looked at Jin Yu in a panic, his gaze unfocused. Jin Yu calmly comforted him, “Don’t worry, you will definitely see. Even if you can’t see, you are still my husband, and you will give birth to my child in the future.”

Xu Yi’s cheeks blushed slightly as he nestled in Jin Yu’s arms. Jin Yu asked persistently, “Really, you can’t see anything at all?”

Internally flustered, Xu Yi kept his head down and remained silent. He didn’t want his wife to know he could occasionally see blurry shadows and that his surroundings were no longer completely dark. He feared that if his vision improved, his wife might leave him. He didn’t want to return to the Xu household; he couldn’t go back.

Jin Yu thought Xu Yi was anxious about still not being able to see and tried to alleviate his worries.

Jing Yu suppressed her disappointment, rubbing Xu Yi’s slender waist and softly saying, “Your waist is still so slender.” Xu Yi’s cheeks turned red as he buried his head in Jing Yu’s embrace, and his worries diminished.

Xiao Lian cried and ran to her room, throwing herself onto the bed and sobbing uncontrollably. When Su Xi came to see her and heard the muffled crying, she knocked on the door with worry.

Xiao Lian threw herself into Su Xi’s arms, crying dramatically. Su Xi felt heartbroken and unsure how to comfort her.

“I want to leave here, I don’t want to see her again…” Xiao Lian’s voice was filled with grievance and pain.

Su Xi felt even more distressed. Xiao Lian wiped her tears, “I’ll leave after the baby is born, I won’t live with her anymore…”

“Don’t talk nonsense,” Su Xi replied uneasily, not wanting Xiao Lian to leave.

“I’m not talking nonsense,” Xiao Lian insisted, determination in her eyes, “I want to find a husband, I want to get married…” This way, she could stop thinking about her and stop feeling pain.

Even if she pretended not to care, seeing them intimate made her heart ache.

“Xiao Lian…” Su Xi called out worriedly. Xiao Lian’s wet eyelashes trembled, and a smile returned when she looked up, “I’m almost thirteen, I’m not young anymore. My brother should find me a husband.”

Su Xi stared at Xiao Lian, unsure of what to say.

#

Xu Yi furrowed his brow and opened his eyes wearily. Jing Yu was anxiously watching over him, softly saying, “Now that you’re awake, eat something and continue sleeping. You’re not allowed to get out of bed today.” His delicate legs were too weak to move.

Xu Yi felt Jing Yu’s gentle care and felt sweet inside. Suddenly, he remembered what happened before losing consciousness. Fear flashed in his eyes, and he tried to shrink back but felt too sore and painful to move.

Jing Yu quickly restrained him, hurt flashing in his eyes, “Don’t be afraid of me.”

Xu Yi was stunned, his trembling body slowly calming down. Last night was the first time he had seen such a husband, who ignored his sobs and pleas, continuing to move on his body as if he were being crushed.

Jing Yu told them to take Yunmei out for a trip, asking them to take good care of their health, then mounted the horse with Yunmei, wrapped in soft clothing and holding a hand warmer given by Xia Rong.

Sitting in front of the horse, leaning back against Jinyu’s embrace, Yunmei felt warm despite the cold weather. Being out with Jinyu brought a blush to his face.

“My lord, where are we going?” Yunmei asked, puzzled. He knew Jinyu loved him but preferred Su Xi and Xu Yi, so being taken out alone felt unexpectedly special.

Jinyu warmed Yunmei’s hand. “Taking you to the mountain to see the snow scenery and plum blossoms.”

“There are plum blossoms on the mountain?” Yunmei was delighted, his previous doubts dissipating. The coldness faded, replaced by a soft smile.

Jinyu hummed, saying nothing more. Inwardly worried, he knew removing the poison would harm Yunmei’s body, and he couldn’t let Yunmei know about it.

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