“After those incidents, I naturally thought of Lin Feng as the victim and wanted to help him. Initially, I was conflicted because we were good friends, but I couldn’t help but question your feelings for him. At that time, I thought if I were his girlfriend, I’d love him well, make sure he was happy.” I didn’t want to dwell on past events, so I lightened the mood, “Do you remember what Big Bear said about you at our graduation? He said you ‘can’t distinguish right from wrong, and often get stuck in your own thoughts.’ I asked you back then what you did to offend him, and now I think he was quite the philosopher, very perceptive about people!”
She forced a smile, her mouth twitching slightly, “My mom says I’m too stubborn, trying to do everything perfectly, but I always mess up. Maybe it’s because I’m not as smart as you. After you two broke up, I thought I could replace you. I tried so hard to get close to him, but he grew colder and colder towards me. That’s when I realized there was no chance for us…” After a long pause, she looked up at me and said, “I’m here to apologize. Please also say sorry to Lin Feng for me; I won’t see him myself. And I’m here to say goodbye. As long as you two are doing well, I can be at peace.”
I was surprised and asked, “Where are you going? Why leave so suddenly?”
She smiled bitterly, “The company fired me. I’ve been distracted lately and messed up several clients’ data.”
I was taken aback, not expecting this turn of events, and asked, “Where will you go then?”
“I’ll go back to my hometown for now, see how things go later,” she replied.
I just managed an “Oh,” not knowing what to say. It’s human nature to sympathize with the weak; before this, I might have harbored some resentment or dislike towards her, but knowing this outcome, I could only feel sympathy. Perhaps her actions weren’t as simple as she claimed, driven by affection for Lin Feng, but also by a desire to settle in this city where everyone is envious. However, now, even the utilitarian part of her motives was forgiven by me. Competition occurs between equals; a match where the disparity in strength is too great is an insult to both parties. After some casual chat, I paid the bill and we left the café one after the other. The people on the street hurried past, and I let out a long breath, thinking this might be the best resolution. I turned to say goodbye to Xu Ling, but caught her habitually touching her slightly swollen belly. I stared, as if seeing a prehistoric monster in a crowded market, wishing I could see through her clothes to her belly. She tried to adjust her shirt in vain, only making her condition more apparent.
“How many months?” I heard my voice trembling.
“Almost five months!” she answered.
Gathering my courage, I asked, “Is it Lin Feng’s?”
She adjusted her bag awkwardly, “I have to go, it’s not safe to walk alone at night.”
“Is it?” I almost shouted, drawing curious glances from passersby.
“Yes, but I didn’t want you to know. I can raise him on my own!” Her voice was gentle, her gaze determined. She turned and left without even saying goodbye. I stood there, dumbfounded, watching her proud figure walk away, carrying my future husband’s child. Who was I, then, and what was my relationship with them? I was utterly confused.
Chapter 35: Taxis moved through the sea of people leaving work, stopping and starting. Outside the car window, cyclists rode close to motor vehicles, their faces wearing an expression of “I might have two fewer wheels, but I’m not far behind you.” Occasionally, a young, hot-blooded rider would pass a taxi stuck in traffic, waving as if to say, “I’ll go ahead, you just wait there!” However, most people shared a look of indifference, accustomed to such scenes.
Before I knew it, we had reached Xinjiekou. A familiar sign for “Stir-fried Dough” flashed by. “Driver, slow down, let me enjoy the scenery,” I said. The driver replied lazily, “I’d like to go fast, but my Xiali doesn’t have wings. We’ll take our time here, look around.”
Back in my senior year, Lin Feng and I once went out and spent all our money. We were tired and hungry when we got to Xinjiekou. After searching our pockets, we only had six yuan left. We debated how best to use this money and what kind of stir-fried dough to get. Lin Feng suggested I get the vegetarian one for four yuan fifty, and he’d get a cheap pancake for one yuan, but I vehemently opposed. I decided we should get a meat dough for five yuan fifty, and we shared it bite by bite. Although we didn’t eat much, the meat made us feel satisfied, and we walked back to school with our fifty cents, feeling proud. I haven’t had such delicious stir-fried dough since. Maybe one day, I should bring him back to relive that feeling. We’ve been through tough times together, so even if he ends up with Xu Ling or someone else, he shouldn’t forget me.
I began to suspect Xu Ling’s true purpose in meeting me. If she was betting on that unborn child, she might have won. I couldn’t ignore the arrival of a new life! Imagine us, a family of three, out for a walk, and suddenly, a child runs up, calling Lin Feng ‘Dad’? My child would ask in their sweet voice, “Mom, why does my brother/sister call Daddy ‘Dad’ but you ‘Auntie’?” During holidays, both children would get red envelopes, and both wives would get new clothes? In my future marriage, would there always be a child reminding me of the events of the past year and the stories between my husband and my friend? The thought was laughable.
That evening, Lin Feng called as usual before bed. I quickly said goodnight, claiming I had a slight cold. I needed time to think, to figure out what I really wanted to do.
The next day, after work, Lin Feng was waiting for me at the company entrance. I approached him with a smile. “Feeling better today? No fever? Need to go to the hospital?” he asked with concern.
“I’m fine. Wait for me at the Starbucks downstairs. I’ll just pack up and be right down. I have something to tell you.”
“What is it? Can’t we talk on the way home?”
“It’s something very important,” I said with a smile but with an unyielding tone.
When I got to Starbucks, he was nervously fidgeting with his coffee cup.
“Lin Feng, let’s postpone our wedding,” I said directly.
“Why?” He looked at me in astonishment, trying to read my expression. After a moment, he laughed, “Are you testing me again? Or have you caught the pre-wedding jitters?”
“I saw Xu Ling yesterday. She’s pregnant with your child, and she just lost her job. I think you can’t just leave her like this,” I said carefully, watching his face. His smile vanished instantly, his eyes widened, and sweat began to bead on his forehead.
“It’s impossible, I haven’t touched her since, I swear!”
