I stood quietly at the window watching him, surrounded by the innocent voices of children, a feeling of suffocation pressing down on us all. I didn’t know what he was thinking at that moment, but what did it have to do with me? I just needed to know that everything was my debt to him. In the end, he left. Listening to his engine start, I could only muster all my strength to watch him slowly drive out of sight, feeling weak and sliding down against the wall. I wanted to throw away the pudding in my hand and run after him, but even if I caught up, what then? Drive him away again? I’m a greedy woman; I want more, but I can’t afford his price. I’m already in too much debt…
There I sat, curled up in the corner, sinking into oblivion, with only the image of him leaving stored in my empty shell. After some time, I had to get up, put on a smile, and carry the pudding out. I’m not unaware of why he left. But why did he come back? I don’t know if he’s gone back. I want to see him but fear facing him, so these days I haven’t dared to step outside, afraid to see any car or silhouette that resembles his. Yet, reality loves to leave people at a loss.
