“Let’s go, Susu.” She grabbed the beautiful woman’s hand and quickly slipped out through the peaceful door, reaching the parking lot in less than ten seconds.
“Why are we running so fast?” The breathless Xiao Susu asked after sitting in the car.
“Nothing, just can’t wait to know about your trip to Sunlinxi with Tang Li last week. Let’s go have tea.”
Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in a fragrant tea room, enjoying the Japanese-style small bridge and flowing water scenery outside, sipping tea.
“You ‘stayed the night’, nothing happened, right?”
“What?” She didn’t quite understand what would constitute something “happening”.
Du Feifan answered directly:
“Sleeping together.
Suddenly, speaking became difficult. She opened her mouth, but no sound could be squeezed out, as her face turned crimson, wanting to bury herself under the table. She had been trying hard not to think about that night, but with Fei Yan’s mention, the image of that night’s intertwined sweat involuntarily emerged in her mind.
“So, it happened,” Du Fei Yan looked at her with interest for a long time: “And, it felt good, right?”
Xiao Su Su covered her face, not daring to answer.
Although they had never deeply discussed bedroom matters, Du Fei Yan keenly sensed that Su Su’s past sexual life was not harmonious. She viewed it as a path of fear, keeping her husband outside her heart. Judging from Tang Hua’s personality, he should be the type who would not force anyone after getting no response and making ineffective efforts, which had caused the couple to live separately for nearly four years.
So, what caused this situation to change? How did she transform from fear to a blush of understanding?
“I’m bad,” Xiao Su Su said after a long time, her voice choked, the crimson gradually fading, turning pale as she thought of her selfishness.
“I used him.”
“What?” When it comes to love and intimacy, as long as both parties are happy, there’s no question of using or not using, right?
“Fei Yan, I’ve been so lonely these years, so afraid of loneliness, that my body accepted him because I wanted to keep him by my side, to continuously draw from his goodness. I used my body to bewitch him. I feel so terrible!”
“Su Su, you’re overthinking. Actually, well, although I have no experience, from what I know, bodily responses are not controlled by reason. Just because you decide to use someone doesn’t mean you’ll climax during sex. Like the opposite sex you fear, you can accept Tang Hua touching you, but that doesn’t mean you’d accept other men. Let me put it this way, if another man could provide the same care as Tang Hua, would you unhesitatingly throw yourself into his arms?”
Xiao Su Su said softly: “I don’t know. I’ve never been with another man.”
“Try to imagine.”
“I can’t.” How could she imagine something she’s never experienced? Moreover, she was terrified of men.
??, surrendered! Du Fei Yan tapped her forehead, not entirely sure if that night at Shan Lin Xi meant anything.
But at least it could prove that Tang Hua was still deeply attracted to Su Su, and Su Su didn’t dislike Tang Hua.
After seven years of marriage, they only enjoyed passion just before nearly separating. Could it be said that Xiao Su Su was incredibly late-blooming?
Or was Tang Hua’s guidance technique lacking? Well, that wasn’t really her concern. She was more optimistic, thinking that since they could now have a normal and compatible marital life, starting over might not be a bad thing.
Because no matter how Su Su changed, she was fundamentally still an introverted and shy woman. If someone could protect her for life, give her heart a dependence, preferably with true mutual love, wouldn’t that be wonderful? Tang Hua was a man who treated his wife well; otherwise, he wouldn’t have continuously spent large sums of money to protect her closed-off little world even after separation. He was the kind of man who cared for those he was concerned about meticulously.
Du Fei Yan was an independent woman, but she also understood that in the realm of love, there was no gender equality. The kingdom of love only has giving and receiving, with who gives and who receives depending on a complementary fit, merging into a circle, beyond considerations of fairness.
Xiao Su Su could never become an independent woman. The only thing she could change was to face the fact that she had grown up, open her previously unwilling-to-mature heart, learn to be her own master, and love a man she chose who also loved her.
After all, she was too lonely and too thirsty for love.
Some people can love only themselves for life, while others must feel life’s abundance through others’ love. Xiao Su Su’s growth had always been nourished by abundant love; she had long been unable to separate from it, like a flower cannot leave soil and water.
Would Tang Hua still be willing to play this guardian role? If they could reconcile and rebuild their marital life, they would be the most compatible pair. At least far superior to those lustful playboys by dozens of times.
Huh… playboys?
Oh right! How hadn’t she thought of that!
“Su Su!” She suddenly called out joyfully, startling the self-deprecating, self-blaming Xiao Su Su, whose tears immediately slid down.
“Hey—please, I’m not scolding you, don’t cry, miss. I’ve thought of a good method!” She crawled over to Su Su’s side of the tatami, wiping her tears with multiple hands: “Do you want to know if your feelings for Tang are love? Or just using?”
“What do you mean?”
“It means introducing you to other men! I’ll tell you, based on the information I’ve collected, truly loving couples will have different feelings. For men you don’t love, even if they hold your hand, you won’t feel electrified and will instead feel disgusted.” Who knows if it’s right, but trying won’t hurt.
Xiao Su Su immediately shook her head: “No, I don’t want to. Any stranger touching my hand will make me uncomfortable. I don’t want to know any men!”
“If you don’t try, you’ll never be able to distinguish whether your feelings for Tang Hua have any love component,” Du Fei Yan’s gaze was resolute, determined to achieve her goal.
What difference would a love component make? Tang Hua already had another girlfriend. She owed him so many years; after he had finally found a good partner, was she supposed to play the bad woman and destroy it? She was a worthless woman, but she could at least set him free. It’s okay, she still has learning… her heart ached as if hollowed out, but she wouldn’t allow herself to be selfish anymore.
“Fei Yan, you don’t understand. I don’t want to know. Actually—actually, between us, it’s just gratitude—that’s why we had that night—I—I—” Tears dropped one by one, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop them, and couldn’t continue speaking.
Du Fei Yan gently embraced her shoulders:
Fool, the distance between kindness and love is thinner than paper. Who says it’s not progressing in the form of love? Why don’t you think about it? Perhaps Tang Hua wants only your heart. If you don’t figure it out, you’ll surely feel regret, because at this moment, you may have already fallen in love with him, and he is also loving you. A beautiful future is within reach, yet you’re unwilling to seek the answer. At most, you’ll just return to the original point of not loving each other. What loss is there?
Xiao Susu softly choked out her worries: “Why should I? He already has a girlfriend. If—if after trying, the result is loving him, I can only face my own heartbreak awkwardly.”
“But now, without even clarifying things, you’re already crying torrentially. I really can’t see the difference,” she pointed out the obvious fact.
“He might have given up on me—”
“Then, this time you should try to win back his heart. If you truly feel guilty about the seven-year marriage that brought him pain.”
