Xiao Susu, sleepless all night, hung up the phone. Exhausted but unable to sleep, she finally forced herself into the bathroom to shower. Seeing her pale face and swollen eyes in the mirror, she looked as haggard as she had in months. She thought changing her lifestyle would make things better, that she wouldn’t cry until dawn anymore.
Unless one chooses not to feel, no one can escape being controlled by emotions, with sudden shifts between sorrow and joy.
Could she? Could she bravely pursue what she wanted in her heart?
Was she capable? Would she succeed? Would she actually get the response she hoped for?
Wasn’t it someone who said: “I might not succeed by trying, but if I don’t even try, failure is guaranteed.”
Warm water continuously caressed her delicate body as she stared at her reflection. She suddenly understood something: in recent months, what Dufei Fan had done was merely help her abandon her excessive closed-off heart, willing to open up and accept more people and things. But she was still stuck at “accepting”, mistakenly believing she had changed and become a normal person.
She had never learned to take initiative, never actively done anything, because she never knew what she wanted, and had no desires.
After carefully translating the text, here is the English version:
After all, Tang Hua had provided her with such a comfortable life, lacking nothing, with everything taken care of for her, she had never experienced the feeling of “deprivation”.
Until today, discovering an emptiness in her heart, so cold and painful that it made her shiver, she finally understood what “need” meant; realizing the torment and helplessness when one has desires, and not knowing what to do. This was no longer a situation where she could simply sit and wait for someone to present her with choices. She had hurt him too deeply, and he would probably never again do something after being rejected.
Measuring his past suffering with her own heart, she dared not even imagine how heartbroken she would be if she tried to pursue Tang Hua’s heart and was rejected, yet she had spent years doing exactly that to him!
