” Luo Zishang’s blank response reignited Gu Chao Yan’s anger. He stepped forward, yanked out the IV from the young man’s hand, grabbed his collar, and dragged him out of bed. The frail youth weighed almost nothing; Luo Zishang’s hand bled as he stood barefoot on the cement floor, trembling violently. Faced with the forceful questioning from Gu Chao Yan, he finally threw a punch. He could care about nothing else—his dreams shattered, his youth had already bled out, but that didn’t mean he could be beaten by anyone who barged into his hospital room.
The two men rolled on the ground, entangled in a fight until a small diary fell out of Gu Chao Yan’s pocket. He picked up the book and slammed it against Luo Zishang’s chest.
“Her keepsake,” he said coldly. “Actually, I came to find you just to give this to you, Luo Zishang. Whether you love or hate, it’s none of my business, even if it involves my parents being doxxed and criticized online. I didn’t want to deal with this mess. Luo Zishang, I really dislike you, but… in her last days, she was still thinking about you. There are things you might not know, and I think you should.”
Luo Zishang, with his face and head covered in dust and blood on his hands, carefully opened the first page of the diary with an expression of disbelief and shock. Gu Chao Yan watched him and said, “I decided to find you only for my sister. No one loved her more than I did, not even you, Luo Zishang. True love is kept in the heart, not expressed through immature actions.”
In the pale sunlight, the boy slowly turned the old, yellowed pages, the neat handwriting bringing the girl from years past to life before his eyes. His blood had stopped flowing, but his hands trembled. Why was the weather so cold?
Gu Chao Yan looked at the sunlight outside the rusted iron window, which provided no warmth on the gray-white walls. His anger had subsided, knowing the young man would likely not absorb his words, yet he continued to mutter to himself with a bitter smile: “I’ve been a liar for many years, deceiving countless people.”
I once thought life and death were just part of the human experience, filled with much ugliness and pity, where right and wrong blur together, and life passes in a blink. But then someone taught me what’s right and what’s wrong. He told me that even in the face of life’s overwhelming floods, there’s something we must not give up. I think, perhaps now, I’ve finally done something right… If I ever meet him again, I might be able to greet him with a clear conscience… Haha, leaving without saying goodbye back then, I was really terrible…
The sunlight moved inch by inch through time. After some time had passed, when Gu Chao Yan looked back, the pale boy was kneeling on the ground, clutching the diary, crying uncontrollably. He joined the team, he caused trouble, he skipped classes, he was caught by the ear by the principal and paraded on the flag-raising platform, he invented new strategies and loudly discussed them in the computer room, he naively insisted on planting trees in the shape of a heart on the map and tricked her into defeating him… All those youthful efforts to catch her attention, the times he thought she didn’t care about, the past he was nearly forgetting, she remembered it all, every word written in the grid notebook. But in her final entry, she wrote: “If I told the captain that this slacker who refuses to leave the team is here just because of a certain naive kid, would the captain die of anger?”
“
Haha, but he’s too young to understand many things. This morning, my parents bombarded me again with matters about my brother’s school. I don’t dislike my brother, nor do I want to leave. If possible, I wish we could always be together… But I suppose I will have to leave eventually. After I leave, the captain, being so strong, should at least rank in the top three in the world. The naive kid is also gifted; he’ll take over the captain’s position in just a few years. He will grow up and mature one day. Everyone has a bright future, and none of it concerns me. …I guess even the naive kid will soon forget me completely. But I can’t forget… Is there a way for you to remember me too?”
There were those years when I thought I had grown up, that I was the grand strategist in the game, loved by my people and feared by my enemies, wherever I went, peace reigned. I sat on the top of the Acacia Tower every day, distributing equipment.
But why wasn’t I happy? It’s been years since I stabbed the captain with a fruit knife, and I haven’t been able to smile since. I remember the captain saying I was too obsessive. He said it was a pity about my talent. Back then, I didn’t understand anything; even a month ago, I still didn’t understand. For so many years, I sought the captain to ask for clarity. I hated him, yet told myself not to hate him, knowing he wasn’t that kind of person, but I couldn’t control myself. I once admired the captain so much, yet ten years later, I pushed him into the hands of death again… Gu Chao Yan said he had deceived people his whole life, but finally did one right thing. And what about me? A boy who forgot how to laugh or cry for ten years, now breaking down like a child for the first time. Gu Chao Yan stood there, hands in his pockets, silently watching the person on the ground. After a long time, he sighed: “Luo Zishang, your obsession made you a genius, but it also ruined half your life. You’re not hating anyone else, you’re just hating yourself, but you’re unwilling to admit it. You’ve transferred your self-hatred onto others…” “Stop it!!!” Luo Zishang stood up abruptly and fled out the door.
Gu Chao Yan stood there, watching the last light of the sunset disappear over the horizon. Perhaps everything will get better, he thought.
When he sent a private message begging Ah Cao to return the flute and she agreed, he knew that the world would improve day by day, just as its creator hoped. Sunrise, sunset, spring and autumn, youth never dies in the sound of the green flute, and all wounds heal.
When Nanbo Wan arrived in S City with his secretary, Luo Zishang had already boarded a train heading north. With his hands in his overcoat pockets, the left one held Xuan Yan’s diary, and in the right… Luo Zishang pulled out a crumpled medical record book, flipped through it, then expressionlessly tore it to pieces. Gu Chao Yan was right; he hated himself, his personality, and his fate. But before fate took him, he should at least… apologize to that guy, right? He remembered how, a month ago, he had left that guy in the hospital after confirming there was no immediate danger to his life.
Even if that guy would definitely not forgive him, at least… one last look would be good. However, when Luo Zishang rushed to the hospital in the north, the doctor informed him that Qin Chuan had discharged himself a week ago. Luo Zishang stared blankly at the stark white sheets and walls, realizing for the first time the weight of the word “loss.” Qin Chuan, you won’t even give me a last chance…
How can I find someone who no longer wants to see me in this vast northern land?
The frail youth leaned against the door frame, the journey and his troubled mind keeping him from sleep. It was as if something was holding him up through the tumultuous decade. Yes, ten years ago, he could have died, but hatred kept him alive. Now, all his exhaustion and pain overwhelmed him. The world healed its wounds, but he was taken by fate, his face drained of color, as stubborn as when he once made the arcade boss spit blood, biting his lips, refusing to collapse in such a place.
The sigh of the patient next door reached Luo Zishang’s ears.
“Did he say anything?!” The boy, barely able to stand by leaning on the wall, asked anxiously.
“No, I don’t remember.” The patient shook his head.