That night, Xie Jia Yi took Xiao Yu home. He knew it was an impulsive decision because as soon as the words were out, he regretted them. On the way, he thought of many excuses, but once faced with Xiao Yu’s clear eyes, he couldn’t speak. Xiao Yu agreed to go home with him, logically, he should have been excited, not nervous and wanting to flee. A few years ago, on a similar night, when Lai Fei gave herself to him, that excitement, that joy, that feeling of conquering the world, was still fresh in his memory. They were both his girlfriends, why was his state of mind so different? Xie Jia Yi blamed it all on the song he sang; he felt he shouldn’t have sung that song. He always believed that when it comes to emotions, people are fragile, like an old photo long forgotten at the bottom of a box, if rediscovered years later, even if the love wasn’t that profound, the yellowed photo would become evidence of profound love. So, you might reminisce about the past, shed tears for past sweetness, and even feel, ah! She was the one I truly loved!
Back then, we really shouldn’t have missed out. If we hadn’t, how happy would we be now! Xie Jiayi thought it was all because of that song, desperately trying to convince himself that he no longer loved Lai Wei, the one who had betrayed him. However, if he were more rational, he might have realized that perhaps Xiao Yu’s appearance gave him an illusion, making him think he was back in the past when Lai Wei found him on the street. He was merely transferring the excitement he felt back then onto Xiao Yu now. Or maybe, his settling down was just an attempt to make up for the regret of parting with Lai Wei. “Let me walk you home!” This sentence had circled around Xie Jiayi’s throat hundreds of times. As he stood at the doorstep entering the unlock code, the words were almost out, but they were forced back by Xiao Yu’s remark, “Hurry up and open the door, it’s so hot outside!” By the time Xiao Yu had finished her shower and was lying in his oversized bathrobe on the bed, it was too late. He was a normal man, who ‘normally’ stripped off Xiao Yu’s bathrobe, ‘normally’ kissed her, and ‘normally’ got entangled. But when the moment came, he hesitated. However, the arrow was already on the string, and there was no turning back. He couldn’t tell Xiao Yu, “I’ll walk you home,” or “I just thought of someone else!” So, under Xiao Yu’s inquiring gaze, he found an excuse he wished could kill him — “I’m sorry, I forgot to buy condoms!” Xiao Yu gently placed her hands on his shoulders and considerately said, “It’s okay, it’s a safe day today, and besides, I can take the pill!” Xie Jiayi’s expression turned solemn, and he closed his eyes. If he were fully dressed and kneeling, making the sign of the cross, he would look like a devout believer, repenting and saying goodbye — goodbye to the past! Everything had happened! He wasn’t Xiao Yu’s first, he knew she had loved others deeply before. Strangely, he didn’t mind; it seemed like, years ago, when Lai Wei gave her virginity to him, there was nothing left to fuss over.
