Around eight, while she was still battling her uncontrollable thoughts, Xie Jiayi called, inviting her for a walk. She declined, citing the cold, but Jiayi convinced her that walking in the cold was better than staying in the even colder house. Persuaded, she agreed, but not before Jiayi reminded her to dress warmly. She dug out a padded jacket from the bottom of her wardrobe with hand-warming pockets and wrapped a scarf around her neck before leaving.
There were few pedestrians on the street. Jiayi drove to the park’s parking lot, took Chai Hui’s hand, and from the back seat, he pulled out a pair of woolen gloves, unwrapped them, and carefully put them on her hands. Smiling, he said, “Back in school, you always needed gloves in winter, and whenever I passed a shop, I thought you must not have any, so I bought a pair.” Touched, Chai Hui managed to say after a moment, “Thank you!”
They walked to the foot of the mountain where the kapok trees were in bloom, their petals scattered by the cold wind onto the cement path, creating a carpet of bright red. Jiayi pointed at the stone steps leading up the mountain and said, “Shall we climb?” Thinking the climb would warm her up, Chai Hui agreed, “Okay!” The path was lit by blue lamps embedded in the grass, and the dense leaves rustled. They started with enthusiasm, but halfway up, Chai Hui found a stone bench to sit on, waving her hands at Jiayi, “I’m not climbing anymore, I’m exhausted.” Jiayi laughed, bending over, “We’re only halfway, how can you not climb? Take a break, then we’ll continue!” “Easy for you to say, it’s been years since I’ve climbed such a high mountain. Once we get up there, I might not make it down!” Chai Hui insisted. “You’ve really become delicate, you were never this soft when we climbed mountains at home.” Jiayi sat beside her, handed her some water, and said, “As we get older, we forget more things. I’ve been thinking about crafts from elementary school, bicycles from middle and high school, all forgotten. But you’ve even forgotten how much you loved climbing. Now, I know how to make money, drive, and remember recent events. So, what do you remember now, Chai Hui?” He looked at her under the dim light, adding, “Maybe it’s because you’re more concerned about something else now, so you’ve forgotten the past. Tell me, what are you concerned about now?”
Chai Hui twisted the cap off the mineral water bottle, brought it to her lips, but upon hearing Jiayi’s question, she paused, put the bottle down, and after a moment of thought, she said, “What I care about is exactly what others don’t!” Jiayi turned his face away, looking at the lush forest, and slowly said, “Me too!” “What?” He gave a bitter smile, “I said, me too, what I care about is exactly what others don’t!” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands, looking up at Chai Hui, “But I’ll tell you, regardless of whether it means anything, Chai Hui, I—” A group of people walked up the stone steps, dressed in light casual wear, their steps brisk and their laughter continuous, interrupting his words. After they passed, Lai Hui shook her water bottle and said to him, “You’re right, we shouldn’t give up halfway. Let’s keep climbing!” She hadn’t missed Jia Yi’s words, nor was she unaware of what he might say, but she chose not to listen further. Her selfishness was certain; she loved Zhou Yuqian, but she couldn’t forget her past with Jia Yi, especially since Zhou Yuqian was not by her side and couldn’t give her any sense of security; whereas Jia Yi, with his arrogance, could abandon her at any time. Confused, she only wanted to follow her heart, like many selfish people in the world, dragging things out until the day she must face them, until the day she must make a choice. She was clear that once she chose one of them, the other would abandon her without hesitation. Cheng Lan was jealous of her for enchanting two men, yet in reality, which of these two men could truly belong to her completely?
The wind at the mountain top was fierce, sweeping through their bodies and into the woods behind. On the viewing platform, there were only Lai Hui and Jia Yi, with the lights of City A spread out beneath their feet. The roads looked like long rivers of light weaving through the city, and the green beams from searchlights on the rooftops slanted into the sky. The splendid view could only be enjoyed after the effort of climbing to the top. Soon, the heat from climbing dissipated in the wind, and Lai Hui retied the scarf she had loosened. Jia Yi helped adjust it until it covered most of her face before asking, “Is it very cold?” Lai Hui shook her head, pulling the scarf down to reveal lips turned purple from the cold, and said, “Not too cold, we can stay a bit longer!” “If you get cold, tell me, and we’ll go down immediately. Don’t hold out and catch a cold,” Jia Yi said. Lai Hui agreed and walked to the railing, leaning against a pillar to ask Jia Yi, “Why did you come to City A in the first place?” “The company sent me here; I had no choice!” Jia Yi replied. “If I could, I would have been reluctant to come; just the mention of City A used to hurt.” He walked up to Lai Hui, bending down to look into her eyes intently for a long while before saying, “But it was fortunate, otherwise, I might never have known about the misunderstandings from the past!”
Lai Hui, unused to his focused gaze, blinked and asked, “If you hadn’t come to City A and hadn’t met me, perhaps you would have married, forgotten about me. Wouldn’t that have been better?” Jia Yi slowly shook his head, “If I couldn’t have you in the end, perhaps I’d think that way, but not now. Now, I can still strive, and I think I have hope!” His hand rested on the pillar, his face very close to Lai Hui’s, so close she could see the light dancing on his eyelashes. “After trying, you won’t regret it, that’s how I see it. Lai Hui, remember you promised me, after the contract ends, you’ll consider me first. But now, I don’t want to force you; just think of me occasionally when you’re thinking of him! That way, you’ll see what I’ve done for you; you’ll realize I’ve been here, waiting for you!”
Lai Hui listened to his calm words, hearing the suppressed pain beneath. She suddenly turned away, pressing her forehead against the cold pillar, trembling slightly, “You say you’re not forcing me, but what is this if not forcing? Jia Yi, we only have memories, yet you’ve done so much. What do you want me to do? I can’t accept you without understanding my own feelings. I’m selfish, but think, if we got together like this, would we be happy?” “That’s why I need you to think of me sometimes, gradually, you’ll think of him less, and my place in your heart will grow,” he turned her body to face him, looking into her eyes, raising his voice a little, “You haven’t even tried, of course, you can’t forget him. Have you considered, even if you wanted to marry him, would he marry you? How many obstacles do you still have? You’ve always been rational, are you now truly blinded by love?”
His words hit her heart like heavy stones, making it hard to breathe, yet gradually awakening her. She had only been tangled in love and not love, but hadn’t considered if they could love; she was only burdened by her own psychological baggage, not his — his illustrious background, even harder to overcome than hers. Unless she remained in the shadows, otherwise, marriage would bring ridicule. For a day or two, Zhou Yuqian might endure it while he loved her, but what about the long term? When love faded, leaving only mundane life, would he still endure? And Jia Yi, what difference would it make? Marriage to him would also attract gossip. What man could accept a woman who was once someone else’s? Not to mention often being the subject of idle chatter — picking up someone else’s discarded shoe.
