A Peach Wood Comb

Before Lai Hui called to ask her aunt to sew shoe soles, just as she had finished attaching the sleeves to a sweater, Zhou Yuqian accidentally broke a teacup with a loud “bang,” and her world shattered before her eyes, unprepared. The doctor was about to cover Lai Ruying with a white cloth, the snow-white fabric about to cover the face that had turned dark blue and yellowish, the face Lai Hui had looked at for over twenty years. She didn’t even blink, nor did she cry, fearing that her tears would blur her vision, for this was the last look, her mother was dead, truly dead! She lay there cold, as if still the same as before she left; the braised pork on the table was only half eaten, the other half left in the food box, still warm — she held her mother’s hand as if she was still smiling at her, saying — “Xiao Hui, it’s cold in the big winter, you must roast the tangerines before eating them, or they’ll freeze your teeth! Xiao Hui, once I finish this haircut, I’ll cook for you. Tonight, there will be fish, Chang Xiao Hui, don’t cry, who says you don’t have a father? From today on, when you miss your dad, just call me dad, okay? Xiao Hui, with the college entrance exam coming up, don’t just focus on your studies, I made some snacks for you, your favorite egg dumplings! Xiao Hui, now that you’re studying in another city, call mom more often, don’t be reluctant to spend money, mom will pay for your phone bills. Xiao Hui, grandma has gone to another world, and one day I will too, on that day, don’t be too sad, cry if you must, but then forget about me and live your own life well!…” These words could no longer be heard, the loving smile was gone, and at the end of life, she was still barefoot, unable to bask in the sun for a while, some things would never be done — the balcony with snow on the railings, the stove was lit, the chimney extended outside the window, drawing black smoke, tangerines were roasting on the stove, filling the warm room with their sweet scent. How could she believe that this morning was fine, and by evening her mother was gone, so many things left undone, she hadn’t even stood up, hadn’t put on her cloth shoes. Holding the cold, withered hand to her face, the other hand trembling as it touched her mother’s dense hair, she was overcome with grief, kneeling and wailing in anguish. “After winter, I was going to take you out of the hospital and bring you home, the sweater sleeves are attached, aunt will send the shoes in a couple of days, I’ve held on for so many years, and you couldn’t even wait this little bit of time? Don’t you think about how you’re leaving me all alone, not even caring if I can live on!” She cried like a madwoman, banging her head against the board, as if to transfer all the pain to her forehead. Xie Jiayi and Xu Ya leaned against the wall, tears streaming down their faces, only Zhou Yuqian, suppressing his own pain, pulled her away, steeling his heart to let the doctor cover the body with the white cloth. His hands and face were scratched by her sharp nails, fearing she might hurt herself, he had to hold her tightly in his embrace, immobilizing her until she fainted in his arms, then he carried her to the bed. The body was pushed into the morgue, and Lai Hui slept deeply on the bed — in a new hospital room, a dim bedside lamp illuminated her pale face, her eyes swollen, her delicate eyelashes casting a shadow in the light, Zhou Yuqian slipped his hand under the blanket to hold hers — “Sleep a little longer, you’ll be heartbroken again when you wake up!” He blinked, his handsome brows knotted together. “I have my own selfish reasons too, you’ll probably hate me when you wake up. It seems I’ve always been your disaster, not long after we met your mother fell ill, your boyfriend broke up with you, and in the five years we’ve been together, we’ve had little joy, and now I’ve caused you to lose your loved ones. Perhaps you’ll think all your pain is my fault, if I had been more generous and helped you unconditionally from the start, you’d probably be living happily with Xie Jiayi and your mother now.” Here, he swallowed hard, sat up, lifted her up to lean against his chest. “Today I said I liked you five years ago, I truly wished it were true, if I had liked you then, I would have helped you unconditionally. People are just this selfish, when they don’t like someone, they don’t consider their feelings, nor want them to gain any advantage, but once they fall in love, the previous indifference becomes a kind of karmic debt, turning into a mistake that can’t be undone, even with all the effort, forgiveness might not be sought, and then I am forever in your debt!” He paused, lowering his head to press his face against hers, as if to transfer his warmth to her, pressing tightly, wrinkling her face — “I don’t know how much I owe you, but I will stay by your side until it’s all paid off!” The old sheets were burned, replaced with new ones, a light beige bed cover with gold-threaded borders, faintly scented with jasmine, though it was unnecessary since she couldn’t sleep anyway, closing her eyes she felt her mother still lying there, smiling at her, opening her eyes to an empty room, her hand reaching out to touch darkness. Last night, she heard footsteps and the rustle of clothes, knowing it couldn’t be her mother, who was still on the bridge of judgment, perhaps her grandmother was waiting on the other side, only returning on the seventh day to see her. Yet, she chased out into the corridor, which was as empty and quiet as the hospital room, only the lights casting shadows, but she couldn’t tell if it was Jiayi’s or Yuqian’s, though she wished it were Xu Ya’s. The curtains were taken down, today was cloudy, very calm, she lay still, always seeing the same corner of the sky, a large grayish-white patch, “Is the sky mom sees the same as mine?” she asked unconsciously, but no one answered. Soon, hurried footsteps and the squeaking of wheels from the hallway signaled someone being rushed into the emergency room, her heart tightened with fear at the sound, her mother had often heard such sounds, probably more afraid than she was, always worrying about when she might be wheeled in. Her mother left few belongings, just that small house, only bringing two sets of clothes here, and a photo on the bedside table, taken during a university summer vacation, with her wearing a sun hat, standing under a waterfall at the cave entrance with her mother, she was a head taller, awkwardly bending to hug her mother from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder, smiling beautifully — “Hui, we should go!” Xiao Yu, dressed in black, entered with a small white flower in her hair. Lai Hui, as if waking from a dream, instinctively grabbed the black hat from the table, covering her red hair. Xu Ya and Jiayi were waiting in the car, seeing them come down, Xu Ya quickly opened the door, Xiao Yu sat in the front, Jiayi and Lai Hui in the back, he said worriedly, “Lai Hui, don’t force yourself!” She shook her head. At the entrance of the funeral home, Zhou Yuqian and his secretary were already waiting there early. When he met Lai Hui, they didn’t exchange any words or even a glance; what could be said at such a moment? Greetings and condolences were inappropriate. She cleaned her mother’s body with warm water, dressed her in a shroud—a red garment made of nylon with wide pant legs. When ordering the outfit, Jia Yi asked her why she didn’t choose silk, and she replied, “When walking, the sound of nylon rustling can be heard, and she would hear it.” Jia Yi cried, but she did not. The black coffin was lined with velvet, and the funeral parlor was quite desolate. In this foreign land, only her uncle, aunt, and a few cousins had come from afar to mourn. Lai Hui knelt before the coffin, and after her aunt paid her respects, she squatted down, embraced Lai Hui, and cried, “My poor child, from now on, our family is your home; even after you’re married, we are still your maternal family.” Lai Hui still didn’t cry. Relatives and friends thought she was too overwhelmed with grief and tried their best to comfort her, but she responded to each person with clear composure.