After speaking, she smiled and opened the door, heading towards the cinema. Even as she entered the theater, her smile lingered, tinged with a hint of bittersweet satisfaction after getting what she had long desired. The much-anticipated epic love story she was about to watch held little interest for her now; throughout the film, she cried more fiercely than the tragic heroine on screen. When the newlywed heroine in the movie said to the hero who was not her groom, “I will treat him as if he were you,” she walked out of the cinema. In the contest of love, women are always at a disadvantage. Women often foolishly give all their love to one man, while men have many excuses—career, future, fame, family, friendship, and so on. These excuses allow them to evade their responsibilities with apparent justification, providing reasons for not investing and reaping benefits effortlessly. Never believe a man when he says, “Darling, everything I do is for our better future!” He’s deceiving you; his efforts are for himself or for other women! If you doubt, look at history; how many successful men still cherish their humble wives?
Xie Jiayi had once told Lai Yun, “This is for our future!” From high school to university, they loved each other. Xie was very chauvinistic and possessive, while Lai, though stubborn, often gave in on small matters. In a romance novel, they would have loved each other until the end of time, never experiencing the frequent quarrels they had in their sophomore year. Why? In the dim stairwell, Xie Jiayi sat on the steps, hands in his hair, the pain in his abdomen somewhat alleviated by the sweat-soaked shirt sticking to his skin. Lai Yun drove around the brightly lit streets, where an advertisement for a private hospital stood atop a small building; she sped up, trying hard to forget the content of the ad. Both, far apart, thought of the same incident—that time! Yes, because of that time, a crack appeared in their relationship.
In their sophomore year, Xie Jiayi developed an obsession with making money. He was naturally talented, attending only the classes where roll call was taken, spending the rest of his time working part-time while still passing all his courses. His income could support both him and Lai Yun. He met many work friends outside school, often gathering for drinks and chats after work, sometimes bringing Lai Yun along. That day was a family gathering at a stockbroker’s home. Seeing Xie was drunk and the school was far, the host suggested they stay over and leave the next day. Halfway through the night, Xie, somewhat sober, started to get intimate with Lai Yun. Just as things were heating up, Lai pushed him away, whispering, “Jiayi, we’re at someone else’s house!” Xie, indifferent, said, “They’re all adults; even if we did nothing, they’d think we did. What are you worried about?” He rolled back onto her, and Lai pushed him away again, saying, “No, we didn’t buy anything…” Drunk and consumed by desire, Xie didn’t care and started kissing her, mumbling, “Just this once, I don’t believe anything will really happen!” But fate never favors those who tempt it. A month later, Lai missed her period, and after two weeks of worry, she bought a pregnancy test, officially confirming their “win.” Their rented room was filled with gloom; Lai cried her heart out, but nothing could change the fact. They were either to become young parents or murderers of their child. Xie wished he could die by banging his head against the wall, but death wouldn’t solve anything. That night, neither ate dinner; Xie held the distraught Lai until late, then with a look of determination, said, “Baby, we can’t keep this child!” Lai burst into tears again. Xie hurriedly wiped her tears, softly persuading, “Think about our parents and Aunt Yun; they’ve worked hard to put us through college. How will we explain dropping out? Baby, don’t cry… We’re young, we’ll have other children after we graduate, when my job is stable, then we’ll get married, okay?”
Lai knew they couldn’t abandon their education; the only choice was clear, yet she couldn’t help but feel heartache and helplessness. Besides crying, she was at a loss, only able to follow Xie’s lead. After a while, she hesitantly spoke, “Qingzi in my dorm had one, she said it was very painful, Jiayi, I’m scared, what should we do?” Xie quickly embraced her, gently patting her back, comforting her, “Don’t worry, I’ll be with you!” But he lied; he couldn’t be with her, only allowed to wait outside the operating room.
Years later, Lai Yun still remembered that hellish abortion room. She resolved to endure whatever came, lying on the operating table like a lamb to the slaughter, taking off her pants in humiliation and anger. The masked doctor, prepared, began the procedure, inserting something cold into her womb. Before she could scream, it started scraping and stirring inside her, feeling as if her abdomen was being torn apart, her screams echoing outside, where Xie’s tears immediately fell. After the “execution,” the doctor coldly remarked to the sobbing Lai, “Now you know pain? Why didn’t you take care of yourself before?” The nurse helped the half-alive Lai out, where Xie rushed to wrap her in his jacket. On their way back, no words were spoken; the streets were full of children, while just moments ago, a life that would have been as lively as them was discarded in a trash can.
That night, Xie held Lai in bed, whispering in her ear over and over, “Baby, this is for our future, I’ll cherish you, never let you go through this pain again, baby, right? I’m sorry!” The sharp screech of brakes on the street jolted Lai, a cold sweat breaking out. Every time she thought of that surgery, her abdomen would involuntarily contract from the remembered pain. In the dark stairwell, Xie pounded the wall with his fists, leaving bloody streaks on the white wall, looking particularly gruesome under the dim light. After that, Lai became more subdued. Once her body recovered, she returned to school, not calling or visiting Xie for weeks. It was impossible for her not to blame Xie. Meanwhile, Xie, out of guilt, couldn’t bring himself to see Lai for a long time. They all thought that things would get better if they just calmed down for a while and let the matter fade away. However, the psychological and physical pain that Lai Hui endured was not something that could be easily forgotten. Despite their inseparable closeness as before, whenever Jia Yi had free time, he would seek out Lai Hui, and she would also go to find him after class. Yet, some barriers had formed, which were difficult to erode away.
Lai Hui felt that she had suffered greatly for Jia Yi, and it was only right that he should take care of her. Thus, she no longer accommodated Jia Yi as she used to, and because the abortion had left deep psychological scars, her temper became terrible. She would pick fights over the slightest dissatisfaction, tormenting Jia Yi in various ways. Knowing well that Jia Yi couldn’t cook, she insisted he make meals for her, only to complain about how bad they tasted once he did. Such scenes often played out in their rental apartment. Jia Yi, inherently proud and arrogant, was also pained by the incident, and after enduring too much, he would lose his temper.
On Saturday evening, as Lai Hui walked from school to their rental, she reflected on how they had been constantly fighting lately and realized she might have been too harsh. She thought about taking Jia Yi out for a movie that night to reconcile, to apologize for her wrongs. But Jia Yi, exhausted from a day’s work, had fallen asleep as soon as he got home. When Lai Hui woke him up, insisting they go watch a movie, he had no energy to go out, just held her and said, “Let’s go another day.” Then he drifted back to sleep.
