Crazy Smartphone – Part One

If I were to become a blank slate, a walking corpse entirely controlled by others, doing all sorts of disgraceful things every day, like stealing women’s underwear again, and if such scandalous acts were to be exposed, wouldn’t my parents literally be driven to death by anger? And if that’s not enough, after being used, I might get captured and taken back to the lab, where they’d mix me with pigs, dogs, or even aliens for some crossbreeding experiments… Oh, Big Beauty, you must not break down! Lin Feng didn’t dare to think further, staring blankly at the new window that popped up in his consciousness: Add Contact? What’s this for? Hesitantly, he confirmed with his mind, and the window transformed into something akin to an electronic spreadsheet, listing many small items. As the screen changed, that annoying electronic voice sounded in his mind again. System prompt: Logic parameters updated, new target character locked, name, Wang Xiaoyun; Logical relationship determination, enemy/friend? You have three choices, please choose carefully… What a mess! Lin Feng cursed silently, Big Beauty, oh Big Beauty, please, don’t mess around like this, this isn’t how you play! What enemy or friend, are we going to war? I’m really not in the mood for fights now. System prompt: Ambiguous semantic judgment, system cannot recognize, you have two more choices, please choose again… Damn, you’re pushing it! Big Beauty, what exactly do you want? Give me a straightforward answer, what happens if she’s an enemy? What if she’s a friend? You don’t even give any hints or conditions, how am I supposed to decide? To the developers of this game gear, I sincerely send my regards to your mother! If you dare to secretly manipulate Big Beauty to mess with me, one day I’ll find someone to burst your dog-assed chrysanthemum. System prompt: Ambiguous semantic judgment, system cannot recognize, you have one last choice, please choose again… Ah!… What exactly do you want? Wang Xiaoyun isn’t an enemy or a friend, she’s my classmate, she’s my girl, she’s my wife, is that okay now? Damn it, are you investigating my household registration? Isn’t it enough that I’m doing your free lab rat experiments? What more do you want? System prompt: Congratulations, player ‘Ghostly Hand’, target recognition completed, logical system repair complete! System prompt: New contact, Wang Xiaoyun added; System prompt: New target character attribute logic system recognition unclear, contact target attribute: family; Current attribute of contact: unknown; System prompt: New level one logic task, contact attribute development; System prompt: Task in progress… “New contact Wang Xiaoyun, new contact attribute development, level one logic system task? Task completion goal – family?!” On one side of the task in progress prompt, there was an automatic countdown timer. This was actually a timed task! The given time limit was only thirty seconds, and in the brief moment Lin Feng was stunned, five or six seconds had already passed. Within the remaining less than half a minute, the system’s level one logic task required Lin Feng to turn the relationship between him and Wang Xiaoyun into that of family! They weren’t related by blood, so becoming family would mean going to the civil affairs bureau to get a marriage certificate and make Wang Xiaoyun his wife. A girlfriend might also count as family, but how could he possibly turn her into family in less than thirty seconds, this super task, how could it be completed! Not to mention Wang Xiaoyun still held grudges against him, even if he were to muster the courage to act like a rogue and take her by force, wouldn’t the family status require her consent? Damn, damn, damn! Big Beauty, oh Big Beauty, you can’t play like this! To the bastard manipulating Big Beauty to mess with me, you’re going to meet a bad end! I curse your whole family! Even if I die, I’ll haunt you as a ghost! Faced with an impossible task, Lin Feng felt his blood rush to his head, wanting to spit blood, and he slumped into Wang Xiaoyun’s arms once more. This time, however, Wang Xiaoyun didn’t rush to push him away; instead, she pinched his philtrum hard while trying to help him ease his chest. He’s going to die! How did he faint again? Wang Xiaoyun was at a loss, murmuring to herself: This bastard, could it be because he can’t control his own thoughts, causing him to faint from lack of breath? What should I do? He’s afraid of hospitals, but this can’t go on. Lin Feng lay limp in her arms, barely breathing, making Wang Xiaoyun’s heart ache: It’s all my fault, if I hadn’t forced him to prove himself, he wouldn’t have ended up like this. On the ambulance, this dead bastard suddenly got better; the nurse gave him an IV, oxygen, and a shot of adrenaline. Oxygen might help him breathe smoothly, maybe all he needs now is normal breathing. Mouth-to-mouth… Should I do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? Am I really going to let this perverted bastard take advantage of me in this way? “Wake up! Wake up!” Wang Xiaoyun slapped Lin Feng’s face hard, but he still had no reaction! What to do? Do I have to perform mouth-to-mouth? Lives are at stake! Fine, I’ll let this perverted bastard take advantage this once! Wang Xiaoyun pinched Lin Feng’s mouth with one hand, took a deep breath, and leaned down towards him… “Uh… you… bastard!” Wang Xiaoyun felt extremely embarrassed, wishing she could find a hole to crawl into. She had no guard up, and this perverted bastard was so despicable that she, in her stupidity, had practically delivered herself to him. Damn it! This dead bastard perverted rogue wasn’t even unconscious, and when she leaned down to give him mouth-to-mouth, the damn perverted rogue took the opportunity to hold her and kiss her. How vile! His tongue even made it into her mouth. The image of Lin Feng as a man that Wang Xiaoyun had just started to build up in her mind completely collapsed. In her anger, without thinking, she raised her knee and gave a hard strike. Bang! The lustful arch-enemy was sent flying without even a grunt, clutching his stomach as he fell. I don’t care if you live or die! Please vote, vote, vote, collect, collect, collect 020 Familiar ID Wang Xiaoyun was evidently unprepared for her opponent’s carelessness, not expecting to land a critical hit. With the opponent’s prowess, that move should have been easily dodged. However, she was no longer in the mood to continue the skirmish with this rascal. After breaking free, she turned and dashed towards the school. Poor Lin Feng was suddenly attacked, curling up in pain, his mind a chaotic mess, still trying to figure out what had just happened. Just moments ago, his mind was flooded with a jumble of system prompts, assigning him some sort of logical task – to nurture Wang Xiaoyun into a ‘family attribute.’ Nurture a family member? Wasn’t that just asking him to court Wang Xiaoyun? Faced with this challenging task, he was still pondering how to achieve it when Wang Xiaoyun unexpectedly bent down, her rosy lips approaching his. She was actually intending to kiss him… The rest needs no reenactment. Lin Feng, thinking he had struck romantic gold, was overjoyed and responded with fervent enthusiasm, launching a vigorous attack. But just as he captured her sweet lips, lost in bliss, the enraged Wang Xiaoyun suddenly erupted, knocking him down and fleeing. As the pain subsided, Lin Feng began to piece together the sequence of events. This time, he had thoroughly offended Wang Xiaoyun. Who knows what foolish things she might do in her heat of the moment? As a notorious underachiever, he feared he would now bear the additional infamy of harassing a female classmate. System prompt: Task completed! In the contacts section of his phone, a large photo of Wang Xiaoyun appeared along with her detailed profile… Gender: Female; Age: 17; Measurements: 34-23-35; and her status was now marked with the pink word ‘family member’… Just a kiss can designate someone as a family member? How does one account for the fact she almost incapacitated me? I’m still a virgin, this isn’t fair! This damn phone, just when I thought it might be slightly useful, it tricks me again, you’re ruthless! You’re openly playing with me! If I don’t figure out a way to deal with this, it’ll ride roughshod over me! However, that kiss… cough, cough… you’re quite the seductress, aren’t you? You even managed to get Wang Xiaoyun’s measurements. That photo was too casual, if I could get a nude photo, wow, that would be the jackpot!